I found out through my divorce solicitor that my ex-husband has passed away. I'd known him 12 years, married for 6 years and officially together for 4 years.
I am beside myself with grief. I had no idea I would feel like this over his death. Maybe when I was married to him and living together but now? I am very happy with my boyfriend of 1 year+ but I am racked with grief over the passing of my ex-husband.
Me and my ex-husband had not spoken for about a year. This was mostly his choice as he was very hurt when I announced I wished to divorce him. The reasons for the divorce are quite complicated but were mostly because I was an emotional mess and didn't want to burden him with my problems.
At the moment I am struggling to get closure on his death. He passed away on the 16th June and so I have most likely missed his funeral. I have managed to get contact with his sister who has been very understanding and sympathetic and myself in return for her. I am helping to answer some questions she has and her (hopefully) answer some in return for me.
Help... I feel so guilty for being so wracked over his death because my boyfriend has to handle me crying (sobbing) at regular intervals. 
I feel like I am dealing with a double death. Not only is this the death of my ex-husband, my first everything, but the death of our marriage. I am being forced to re-hash all of the reasons it ended. These were reasons I had previously been comfortable with but now I can't help wondering if he would still be alive if I hadn't left him.
Charles Anastase
Tipster
Marc Jacobs
Counseling.
1I am sorry for your loss. No matter what state your relationship is in at the time, it is a heartbreaking thing to lose someone who at one point in your life or another meant so much.
2I can sympathize with you as I lost my ex husband last week.
We had been divosed for 13 years and he remarried 7 years ago.
I cried, slept with the tv on for about a week and a half
I realized that our relationship was just a stepping stone for better things in our lives with other people. I do not regret knowing and loving him but we were not meant for eachother and the new life he and created after the divorse was the life we needed to be in. You will cry as you think of whayt you had but if it continues for more than two or three weeks I would get counseling.
Stop beating yourself up because the decisions we made to leave these men were for the betterment of their life and ours. I slowly came to grips with this fact so that I can continue with the man who is currently in my life now. Being bitter fosters hate. My ex suffered severe health issues upon his death. I chose not to go to the funeral instead after learning he was comotose in the hospital I sent flowers to the family. I learned he took his last breath 2 hours later. Yes I cried but I now feel relieved he is in a better place and has forgiven me and himself for all that we caused eachother. Life must go on without bitterness but memories of what you had and feeling greatful of what you have now. Honor your spirit!!!!
God bless us and others in this journey of life....
3Listen, the first thing you have to do is understand that grief is normal and let yourself feel it without wondering why or trying to talk yourself out of it.
It's a huge loss.
You're in the bargaining stage of loss right now. "If only I'd done this he might still be alive..." etc.
I know it's a cliche, but it's true so it's worth repeating.
There is no way to speed up the pain of a loss. You have to give it time.
You also might benefit from some counseling to help you get through this.
4Thanks guys. I've now found out that my ex-husband committed suicide so this has amplified the feelings of "what if..."
At the moment I am really struggling to get my head back together. I wonder what went so wrong in the last eight years for him and why he felt he had to do this. I have no idea. I feel so upset that he died on his own like this.
5Sparklestar. I am very sorry for your loss. Could you say a few prayers in your church for him and visit his grave site? It might make you feel better......Could you find some sort of closure with something you would like to say to him there? I'm sure he could hear you. (What popgpestheworld said is true) I used to take flowers and sometimes poetry to my dad's grave. I felt he could hear me and I would feel better. Also maybe you could talk to a professional about what happened? Maybe a counselor could help you understand suicide and what it means. It's not your fault. Time will heal things. Your new boyfriend is there for you. He is your future now, to help you focus on the here and now.
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