Okay.. this might be a long one
But Im really confused right now and and hoping to get some advice from people who are more experienced with this than I am
My boyfriend and I just broke up (4 days ago)... or to put it in less gentle terms, I got dumped. It kind of came out of nowhere - he had been acting a little weird in the days leading up to it, but I just chalked it up to stress, because that happens quite often with him
We had been together for just over a year, and although we are both quite young (16 and 18), we are mature people and this was a serious relationship. I don't really know how he feels any more (although he told me that he still is in loves with me and was confused about breaking up with me up until the point that he did it), but I know that I am still deeply in love with him and am hurt and appalled that he would break up with me, when the day before we had been hanging out and everything was fine.
What basically happened (and this is all stuff he told me when he was breaking up with me) is that he feels we are stuck in a rut of arguing over something, getting over it and being really happy, and then having the same thing happen the next day. He said it's really hurting him and draining him to be dealing with it... but this is the part where I get confused. A lot of the time, something that to me is simple discussion or mild annoyance at the other person (like getting frustrated when I ask where he wants to go for dinner and all I can get out of him is 'I dunno, I dont care..' - stuff that is easy to deal with and not a major problem in my eyes) he sees as a major fight, as a huge problem, and seems to think that it has now gotten us to the point where we can't go back to how we were before.
I will admit, our relationship hasn't been perfect lately. Ive just finished grade 11 in an extremely intensive university prep high school program, and he just graduated and doesn't know what he wants to do now. We've both been stressed, and struggling to find time for each other. But even through that, we managed to have lots of fun together, enjoy our time together and keep up (what I thought was) a healthy relationship.
Wow.. okay I had better get to the point now.
I haven't spoken to him since Friday night, when I called him a couple hours after we spoke in person (when he told me he wanted to break up)
Now.. I don't know what my next step should be. I don't want our relationship to be over, I feel like he ended it for an unnecessary reason, and I think that if we put a bit more effort into how we communicate, we could be happy again. Im still completely in love with him.
Throughout our relationship, we have spent tons of time texting each other and talking over msn, in addition to seeing each other in person almost every day.
I'm wondering now what to do.. should I try and email him? (I dont want to text or call or anything, I think it might be too.. invasive and put too much pressure on him.)
I dont want to push him away further... if nothing else I want to start hanging out again as friends and see where we go from there.
Does anybody have any advice on how I should proceed from here? Especially proceeding with the hopes of working this out and trying to be together again.
Thanks in advance.. I've been reading group therapy for ages and I know that you all give great advice.. I really need it now!
Charles Anastase
Tipster
Marc Jacobs
I stopped reading after you said you didn't want the relationship to be over because you didn't like his reasons for ending it. It doesn't matter. They are his reasons and it doesn't matter if you agree with them or not. He doesn't want to see you anymore. I know that hurts, but you can't convince him to do something that he just doesn't want to do. Stop calling him and even if he calls you do not talk to him. Cut off all contact with him. Do not make yourself seem desperate. Make it seem like you couldn't be better and spend your time hanging out with friends or doing whatever you do for fun. It hurts to be dumped, but you'll be in a world of more hurt if you keep chasing after someone who doesn't want to be with you. You're young and there are so many more guys out there. Keep your chin up and move on from this guy. He is not the end of the world.
1Hun, he ended it because he didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. He gave you an excuse he thought would be enough to keep you from trying to hold on. Yes, I know it sucks, but there's nothing you can do to "save" it. Anything you do "for the relationship" at this point is just going to hurt you. You need to just move on and believe me, being as young as you are there is plenty of time to find new and better relationships. It's confusing when someone says they still love you because you tend to think there's hope if there is still love, but he's just trying to cushion the blow. What he's trying to say is that you didn't do anything wrong, it just didn't work. So let it go, as hard as it is, and try to move forward.
2I agree with the ladies above. He broke up with you for more reasons then the ones he's told you but regardless of his reasons, the bottom line is... he doesnt want to be in a relationship with you. He is 18, fresh out of highschool and looking at a future for himself. He's decided to move on from his highschool days and that includes his highschool girlfriend. You should focus on your own future, focus on having a crazy good time this summer, a successful final highschool year and then on getting into a fabulous college. Dont focus on him, he's not worth it and he's not interested. Especially if he hasnt contacted you since Friday. He probably met someone else. Move on.
Good luck
"Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it"
3I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. It sucks to get dumped and to think there is no good reason for it.
The absolute best thing for you to do right now is to pick yourself up as best you can and move on with your life.
If your boyfriend realizes his mistake, then he can try to win you back.
In the meantime, though, hang on to your dignity. Calling him and trying to convince him to take you back isn't a good idea. You don't want him to get back with you out of guilt.
4it sux that youre hurting and I know its easier said than done to "move on" but thats exactly what you need to do. do you want to be hurt for awhile and get over it and be able to move on with your life or do you want to continue this pattern of breaking up then making up then breaking up again? the instability is unhealthy.
you're still really young and so is he and you both have a lot to learn about love, relationships, and communicating.
stalking him isn't going to change his mind, and even if he does take you back do you really want to be with someone that had to be begged to want to be with you? I wouldn't. He made a decision and whats done is done. He's over it and moving on, and he's just telling you how hard it was for him to not completely hurt you- trust me. heard it before many times.
5Your relationship is over. Welcome to your first major heartbreak. It's part of life - it's part of growing up. Cry, scream, yell, write letters, talk to friends. But do NOT contact him.
6I agree with luisa. Let him be. Feel the hurt, and you will get through this.
7Hey there...
I think how you handle your first heartbreak will set the tone for how you handle many things that will happen in your life that are hurtful and which you have no control over. You have no control over the fact that your boyfriend is over the relationship, and it hurts like h@ll, whether you are 16 or 60. This is your time to face the reality that it is over, and let yourself feel the pain and grieve the loss.
It is hard to hear and even more difficult to believe, but this is just part of growing up and becoming a woman. You will meet other guys, have other relationships, and probably suffer through other heartaches before you marry. It does suck to get hurt, but it's what helps you figure out what you really want in a relationship as you grow and mature.
Spend time with friends, keep yourself busy, do not contact him or cyberstalk him. If he texts you, do not respond..it is too early to be "friends" even if that is what he says he wants. Just take care of yourself and protect your heart.
Good luck, sweetie.
8One thing I've learned is that no matter how much it hurts at the time, the next time I start dating a great guy, I think "I am SO glad my ex broke up with me. This guy is great! I never would have met him otherwise."
9I find it weird that you said that you guys struggled to find time to see each other, and then later you said that you saw each other pretty much every day and talked and texted tons. I think that you didn't really give the relationship enough space. It is very important to make time for one another to have a life outside the relationship and spend time with friends, and try not to be together every single day. I would agree that it is best to have NO contact with him at this point in time. I think that you want to be friends with him only for the intent of trying to get him back, and that could really backfire for you. You could end up just being friends and always secretly pining for him. This will greatly impeded your ability to actually get over the heartbreak. If he doesn't want to be with you, I don't think there is a lot you can do to change his mind right now. The best thing to do is lick your wounds, take care of yourself and spend time with friends or family that you may have neglected while in a relationship with him. Also, if he does decide that he wants you back, you have to make him work to get you back. You can't just jump back into the relationship, because he could do this to you all over again. Make him prove to you that he deserves a second chance. Even if he doesn't come back, you will be ok. I know it hurts a lot, but it is going to get better, and you will find someone better eventually. In the meantime, focus on yourself and lean on those you trust. Good luck.
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." Buddha
10Getting dumped sucks. You're in for a whole whack of pain so the best thing you can do for yourself is NOT CONTACT HIM AT ALL. Of course you want him back right now, when you are in a relationship it is like being on drugs and you want that drug back. Go buy "It's Called a Break-up Because it's Broken" and it will help you out with your feelings and give you some good advice. It helped me a lot last year.
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