Wow, the two of you are on VERY different pages. You fell hard and fast and want to rush a future. He sees you as a girl who's nice to have around, but it wouldn't be the end of his world if you left.

You have two choices - talk to him about what he sees in the near future with you, or distance yourself from the relationship and work on building your life so that you're happy.

Whatever you do, don't wait around for another 18 months assuming that that's when he'll want to move in with you. He's simply not interested in that.

Luisa, I think you're looking way too closely at an 8mth relationship.

OP, you need to chill out. It's only been 8 months! I know people who have been together for years and still dont live together. It changes for every relationship. I agree with luisa that you're on different pages but I dont agree that he is not interested in a future with you. He probably has been through that false love before where he fell hard and got hurt so now he's more careful and mature about his relationships. Taking it slow to make sure it's the real deal. Now, when he DOES say the "L" word you know he will mean it, instead of him just saying it to make you happy.

Slow down, relax, enjoy your relationship but dont centre your life around it. Go with the flow but if you feel like it is WAY too slow for you then maybe he's not "the one" and you should move on.

good luck.

"Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it"

It sounds like you're kind of afraid of this guy. If you want certain things, just ask! He's either going to give them to you or he isn't.

Don't settle for someone who isn't as excited about you as you are about them!

OP, you're WAY too into planning for the future!! I think luisa got that right... she's thinking about how she can speed up their relationship and he's probably just trying to get to know her and see what progresses. So, OP... you're looking for a signal from him that he's ready to jump into your master plan but that's probably not going to come. His priorities are not the same as yours and it sounds like he really values his space and freedom. My best advice to you is to avoid pushing him into this. Pull away a bit and spend more quality time developing your own life/hobbies/goals. It sounds like you know this is what you should do, but for some reason you are desperate to get this guy tied down to you.

Maybe it's time you took a deeper look into your relationship though... try to separate fantasy from reality. Figure out what it is you really want and figure out if he's going to be the guy who can provide that for you. If it turns out you're really happy with him (aside from the time-line grievance) it's time to have a little talk with him about what you're looking for in a relationship. Decide from there what to do. It is really strange to me that you say you aren't sure if you can wait another year for your feelings to be validated. Good luck!

i agree with Luisa. you are on two totalllllly different pages. and I feel like you have this timeline in your head about the "i love you's, then the cohabitating, and then the marriage", and its a timeline that he's not following and youre starting to panic.

honestly... 5 months- 8 months for an "I love you" isn't that long, and its wayyyy too soon for you to be upset that he doesn't want to live with you yet. the lease means nothing. he can always reassign a lease, or sublet, or you could move in etc... so i wouldn't even worry about that now.

I think you need to talk to him. ask him where he sees things going. don't expect him to assign a date for all these milestones in your relationship because it will be forced. instead try to see if the two of you are on the same page and if you both see your relationship leading to more. if not, then don't try to change his mind, just move on.

8 months is a LONG time. A guy would know if he loved you sooner than 8 months I think, depending on your ages anyway. I know I'm in a weird relationship well we fell VERY hard for eachother.. We said I love you after a month, we moved in together after 3 months and we are doing wonderfully so I guess I can't compare our relationship to anyone elses because ours is a freak of nature but I've been in a few before my current S.O. and I knew that if the feelings weren't mutual, (either he loved me and I didn't, or I loved him and he didn't), I knew to move on.. no wasting time for me but again that depends on your age. I'd get out of that situation because he obviously isn't that into you in my opinion..

Good luck

You need to slow down, maybe in the process you may even see that you're not right for each other. One other thing you should stop doing is catering to him.

Never make someone a priority who considers you an option.

It must be pretty awful to tell someone you love them then to have t-h-r-e-e months go by with nothing back... I don't know the full story but it really sounds as though he is not on the same page as you are, and that he is just keeping you around because you are good company, not because he loves you or sees a future with you. Men can be pretty selfish when it comes to looking after themselves first. You sound like a really nice person. Don't get taken advantage of in this relationship.

Listen to your gut on this one.

"I just want so badly for him to love me".

Red flag.

You are becoming clingy and insecure. He gave you your answer, no moving in for 12-18 months, then he promptly signs an 18 month lease with someone else when you are out of town. You "heard" about it, he obviously didn't tell you that's what he was planning. To me, that is a clear message that he is not as invested in the relationship as you are, not by a long shot.

He just doesn't sound that into you, sorry. I think you need to back off, find other interests outside of him, and try becoming a bit more independent. Not only will that get you thinking about other things, but it will also let you see how he reacts when you are not as available. You may find that it won't bother him as much as it does you, and then you will really know where you stand.

Whatever you do, don't waste the next 18 months of your life with someone who is not giving you what you need.

Sometimes the answers are in the words. You can understand what is going on by what he tells you. Listen to those words and you will never have to second guess. Men say it how it is. What he says is, he loves being around you, and he cares for you. Cold hard fact is : he likes you. You gave him your finest wine and he gives you a little water from his sink in return. He keeps you alive with a few glasses of that for a while. Especially since he signed that lease. I guess he thinks you'll just hang around until he's ready, huh? Guess in the meantime you could just get a job in Florence Italy and sign a lease there, huh? I hate to say it but I have to agree with jazzy tummy, but it's too harsh to say you are clingy and insecure. You just put your heart on your sleeve and there's nothing wrong with that. You let him know how you feel and you took your chances so it's not a crime or anything. I would wait this out a little bit and give it some time. Not too long though. I swear it seems like relationships only work if the guy loves the girl just a little more. Wait and see. I hope it works out.