Would I move to another state to be with my boyfriend? Not without a ring and a date.

I know that many have done it and for some people it's the way to go, but yeah, if it were me, I won't move unless he's proposed and we've set a date, he's asked me to move there, I didn't feel that the adjustment will be so tough and etc (then again, I'm the type who can adjust v. well when it comes to moving around, in fact, I like it).

Whose idea is this for you to move there? His or yorus? Now that I think about it, I wouldn't even (refused to) move in with hubby before he proposed, etc.

I think you love him but you have to reconsider how much you're willing to sacrifice (while he's not sacrificing anything for you to move to his town), to be with him. And remember, just because you move to be with him, is not a guarantee that he will want to 'move forward' and propose and etc (if that's what you're thinking of as in the natural progression of your relationship).

It sounds like you're going to be sacrificing a lot so just think it over and make sure that you won't be miserable over there (I mean, of course, period of adjustment needs to happen, hopefully your bf is a good understanding person).

Good luck.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

What I wonder about this is whether you will ever be happy in his town. It sounds like the way you want to live your life involves a city whereas he will always want to be in this small town. Even if he does propose, are you sure you want to live there forever?

I had an ex once who wanted me to move to the East Coast (I live on the other side...) and, while I didn't think it was inconceivable for me to move across the country, I never really pictured him supporting me emotionally enough to be without my family. I just kept picturing me moving into HIS life while mine would go on pause. Needless to say, we broke up over it and I haven't looked back once.

Tough one. I think both previous comments have hit upon something. You have to know how this guy feels and if he will be able to provide a little support while you adjust--if you choose to make the move. You would have to be absolutely sure that he wanted you there and that he's not some kind of control freak trying to separate you from your connections so he can control you.

Maybe you should go visit a while & see if you can establish some other solid friendships there. Also, how close are you to your family? Are you close knit or do you only go visit once a month or so? If you had brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins in your boyfriend's state that might add some assurance.

People change through time as they learn and grow in different directions. There are pro's and con's to small town vs. larger cities. If you love eachother enough, you'll find an area for compromise that you'll both be happy with (suburbs of a larger city?). Keep an open mind.

Well, I would not move FOR someone, but I would move if it benefited me in some way as well. When I moved to a different state with my boyfriend, I went mostly because I was looking out for number one, and the perk was he was there, too. We did live together previously, but I had every option to stay.

But if you are moving down to another place just to be with him, then I would give it some long hard thought. I don't think it's a bad move, you just need to be careful.

At the end there, you said that if you don't move the relationship will end; Is this your ultimatum or his? Would he consider moving closer to you, or maybe you two could move somewhere new together (but close enough to his current locale so he is still able to see his kids, or so that they can still see their mom, dependent on the custody arrangement and not make his commute to work hell, even a new apartment or house, something to make it all new and exciting. Small towns are trying to become more "urbanized," at least in the way of food, Starbucks, etc. I moved from big to little after I graduated college and was able to still find my favorite imported wine and hummus - though I do miss Cosi! Maybe a trial month would be the best bet. Spend some time there, see if you can do without and if he is worth the major life change (if he's the one, it will be right).

Doubts happen for a reason. Always go with your gut. If you would not be happy relocating then you shouldn't do it.
I have been faced with this as well. I had serious doubts and I kept going along with the plan. One month before the big move I knew I had to be true to myself and follow my inner most feelings. I knew I couldn't leave my family, my friends, or my job. I stayed and the relationship ended and as someone else already said, I never looked back. Be true to yourself. If you don't put yourself first no one else will.

Agreed... I wouldn't move without the "I do" from him.

luisamapacha is right. unless he propose. dont do it!

I don't understand if he proposes how it makes it okay? If she isn't going to be happy in a small town, what does it matter if he proposes or not? And if she knows she might not be happy there or with him it seems wrong to get engaged first. I think when you get engaged it should be because you KNOW you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Not because you want to see if it will work.

Talk to him about what your plans are for the future. If you want to give it a try, do just that...

Mod, I think it's just that it's a huge risk to make a big move when you don't even know if that person wants a long-term committed relationship. Not that a ring always means that, but it seems to carry more weight than verbal promises.

To the OP. No one here can help you make this decision. I mean, you have to weigh how important this guy is, versus everything else. Only you know that.

Also, nothing is permanent. You can move and then move back if things don't work out. Try not to hinge the rest of your life on this decision - it will just overwhelm you.

Yeah, but isn't it a huge risk to agree to marry someone if you aren't sure you can even live in his town? And OF COURSE a ring means that the person wants a long-term committed relationship! I can't imagine girls giving this same advice to a man, basically, ask her to marry you and then see if you really want to. How come it is okay for her to do the same thing?

I suppose it just depends on your priority. If your only goal in a relationship is to get married, then by god, live by all these rules and he will be begging you to marry him. If your goal is to figure out if you are compatible with someone, I think you have to take risks and it might not work out.

Why can't she just visit there and then if she likes the scenario, get a place of her own? Who's to say she has to shack with the guy? She can keep her independence & integrity while this guy shows what he's made of. To move that far, I'd want to know his intentions first.

I think that it is a red flag that he wants to have everything and doesn't seem a bit concerned that she gets NOTHING except him in this move. He values his family and wants to be close to them...well, bully for him, but what about HER needs?

I would absolutely not make any permanent move without more of a commitment. If it doesn't work out, he has lost nothing, and she has made all of the sacrifices.

Moving to be with him at this point is a recipe for disaster. Be very careful, and if you decide to go, I would not burn any bridges just in case it doesn't work out, because it likely won't.

if youre sacrificing so much and doing everything on his terms i wouldnt move unless there was a ring on your finger and the date was already set. being a vegan or vegetarian anywhere can be difficult. sure you have better options in large cities but you can definitely still find stuff that can support your lifestyle even in the smaller cities. look for farmers markets or local farms, look for health food markets, and look online for places that can deliver specialty foods and groceries.

IM IN THE SAME POSITION ALMOST. IM FROM MAINE && HE'S FROM MIAMI. I'VE ALWAYS WANNTED 2 MOVE THERE ANYWAYS SO YEA BUT IM LEAVING EVERYTHING IV EVER KNOWN IM FROM A SMALL TOWN WITH (NOTHIN) THATS HERE 4 ME. I WANNA LIVE IN THE CITY BUT I DONT WANNA LEAVE MY FAMILY..&& THERE NO WAY IN HELL HE WILL LEAVE MIAMI BUT PERSONALY I CANT REALY BLAIM HIM HAHA. EVERYBODY KEEPS TELLIN ME WHY MOVE IF HE NOT WILLING I DO I HAVE TO MOVE N NOT HIM. BUT I THINK THAT IF UR TRULY HAPPY WITH HIM YOU SHOULD TRY IT! LIKE MY MOM SAYS "IF YOU DONT LIKE IT, ITS NOT LIKE YOU CANT COME COME".IM SURE YOU COULD FIND SOMETHING TO HELP UR CHOOSEN LIFESTYLE. GOOD LUCK!

I recently moved from Orlando, FL to a small town to be with my boyfriend. I, like you, am a "health nut" and have an extremely difficult time finding the products I like to eat in smaller areas. I've been living with him for about 4 months now, and the biggest downfall I've really noticed is the difficulty connecting with his family and friends. I get along with them, but they seem to have a real problem with the fact that I won't eat one of their "home-cooked hamburgers" or go out for pizza twice a week. They don't understand healthy living and it's frustrating when I see them complain about their obesity-related health problems while they chow down on a cheeseburger. Your happiness and ability to connect with his family will ultimately determine how quickly you can adapt in a smaller town. If they have an open mind and you get along with them, they can become a "second family" to you, and it can be a great adventure to move to a different place. I wish you luck!