Oh my goodness... you sound like me with my ex-boyfriend! The answer is to dump him... plain and simple. His attachment to his exes is NOT okay! You've lived with it for three years... enough is enough. You say it's okay now because you've had a number of fights about it that have come to various resolutions... none of which satisfy you, right? Usually you end up apologizing about being so insecure or crazy, right? Look, you're downplaying something very important that I want you to tell yourself over and over again until you understand: You are not happy in this relationship, so you must get out. It's not your job to "be okay with" everything he does... dating is supposed to be about finding someone with whom you get along, not someone who seems like they might one day turn into the kind of person who could make you really happy. You're not going to change the person he is, which is someone who for whatever reason can't get over his exes. I've been here... the pictures, the frantic phone calls asking for support or advice... it's all bull. A facade. The fact is that he hasn't moved on, he's not ready to love you the way you need and it's time to stop allowing yourself to be hurt and get on with your life. Memories are in your mind, not on your dresser... his excuses are manipulation, meant to make you feel bad and stop questioning his inappropriate relationships.

From personal experience, my obsessed-ex claimed to be best friends with all of his exes... and all of the girls he'd done random things of a sexual nature with. Their relationships were flirty, sappy and worst of all, these girls hated me. He thought it was my fault that I didn't get along with these girls! (Because they told him they could tell I didn't like them!) They went to him with concerns like, "Oh no, I think I'm pregnant, what do I do?" and "My boyfriend and I just broke up!" and he would be "there for them"... to cuddle, watch movies, all those boyfriendy things... yeah, while he and I were dating. Did he tell me the truth about their relationships? No... I found out the hard way. (He had been cheating on me with at least one of these girls and started making out with her right in front of me at a party!) And then I tried to forgive and forget... although he refused to admit to what had gone on. He had all these excuses for why it wasn't really cheating and verbally changing the story of what he had done. I gave more and more of myself to keep the "relationship" alive until one day there was nothing left. Literally, I was numb to him. He was desperate for me not to leave, but I realized all of the sudden what I had done to myself and I removed myself from his life. I spent the next six months or so doing things I wanted to do and learning about myself. And I haven't looked back.

At the end of the day, you don't need to know who is right and who is wrong here. I know you're looking for comfort and someone to tell you that he'll come through for you one day... so sorry, I'm not that person. I'm the person pleading with you to stop putting yourself and your needs aside. If he wants to live his life in a way that you can't live with, let him... but let him do it without you. I was so worried about throwing away two whole years of my life because I thought we were supposed to be together forever, but in the end I realized that two years is WAY too long to be unhappy with life. I hope you come to the same conclusion, and soon... good luck!

Gosh... I have been in a similar situation, too. Notinthemood offered some great advice. It's a poisionous relationship. Get out. Comparing yourself and feeling threatened all the time by these girls is not worth it. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who made you feel like you're the best thing that has ever happened to him and that no other woman exists to him? I know I like it MUCH better. If you can't deal with this, then leave. He won't change...

Wait, so is your boyfriend still doing this stuff? If so, I agree with the above: he is not treating you right.

Beauty is not a competition. It is in all of us and all around us.

I'm the original poster. Sorry Jocupcake, I think my post was confusing. My boyfriend is not doing this stuff anymore. He did it for the first 1 1/2 years of our relationship. At first I didn't say anything outright because I didn't really think it was an issue and we had just started dating so I thought I didn't have the right to say anything since we weren't really serious yet. Eventually I got fed up and started telling him I wasn't ok with it. He then told me he was just trying to help his exes (they both were have really severe emotional problems) and I felt really bad that it was making me uncomfortable. But then I found out that he was lying to me about talking to this girl that he "used to think was cute". All he did was ask if she wanted to play soccer on a summer team, so I really have no idea why he lied about this. He claims that I made him feel like he shouldn't be talking to girls because I said something about talking to his exes so much. Eventually, I just got so annoyed that I told him I was breaking up with him. This was when he stopped talking to his exes and took down all his pictures.

So for about a year and a half, he hasn't been talking to any of his exes and all the pictures have been gone. So he has totally stopped doing all these things. But it still bothers me that he didn't do it willingly. I am still so sensitized to the whole situation that I am nervous about having to see his ex girlfriend at this stupid party. If I say anything to my boyfriend about it, I know he will just tell me that I am blaming him for past mistakes and all that. So basically, I just want to move on and feel better about myself again. Maybe Notinthemood and SeaAre86 are right and I should just dump him and start over. I don't know. I am just confused.

He may still want to be with her but she doesn't want anything more than friends with him and that's why he's not with her but left her stuff up. When a guy is over a girl, he's over it.. and this is not the case.. DUMP him and do something for YOU. Get some self esteem and find yourself a guy who ONLY wants to be with YOU.

Good luck

I have tons of devils advocate comments, but truly, if you trust him completely that he hasn't been in contact with these girls for over a year...I would see it as a sweet gesture of how committed he is to you.
After all. He did pick you over them.

Guess what? You're not the problem - he is. Your gut is telling you not to trust this guy, and he's proven that you shouldn't trust him. Not only that, he continues to do things that make you question his fidelity. No loving guy would do that to a girl.

I know it's been three years, but it's time for you to move on and find someone better.

Well, playing another devil's advocate, maybe you guys just have different ideas on what being 'over someone' means.
Or his inconsideration to your feeling in the beginning (to the point you threatened with leaving him) meant that he wasn't that into you, but he knew that you're a good gf so he'd rather you stay around (which means that his exes weren't as good of a gf compared to you).
Who really knows but him, and possibly you're catching some 'vibes' from him that keeps you from being secure? Or perhaps you're just this sensitive due to past experience?

He probably thought (maybe he's been doing it with his exes--keeping contact with older exes, keeping their pics) that it was an 'ok' thing to do to keep their/her pics up, keeping in close contacts, etc. Imho, it should be of his own want that he took off pics of old gfs, gods know that I don't like it too if I were in your position (seeing my hub's exes pics all over his desk or all over his screensaver on computer). I'd think it's mighty inconsiderate of him to put the pics up even after you guys are going serious. I had old pics of my exes but I don't put them up LOL, they're somewhere in the storage I kept at my parents's house. I'm pretty sure my hubby must have some pics of his exes too somewhere, but not in our house.

But obviously this is a sore object and since you need some working things out in regard of self-esteem or lack of confidence, being your bf doesn't sound like something of a good idea. You need to take yourself in first priority and work through gaining your self-confidence. If not, you're just going to torture yourself and him too (if he's 'changed' and has not lied or going around behind your back or whatnot). If you know you can't get over this, you need to cut the cord and move on.

Like notinthemood, I used to be with someone like your bf, and got engaged to him. I got over the fact that he kept pics of girls he was in love with, his exes (he even painted a pic of one of his exes, and since she looked kind of similar to me...believe it or not, decided to say that's me! LMAO. I found out later it wasn't me he painted but much later on), etc, hanging out with them and showing them more attention. Then I grew so insecure inside and unhappy because he never really gave the same consideration. Yes, I ended up comparing myself to them thinking that I might not be enough for him because he'd jump to their 'rescue' while chided me when I asked for assistance or just getting a hug or two.

You have to distinguish, does your bf do you right? What does he do to you on a daily basis beside what happened 1 1/2 years ago?
In my case, my ex-fiancee was a decent guy, he's definitely not a bad guy (for some other women whom he really cared about) but he was never that considerate enough to consider my feelings or showed much love/passion toward me and did enjoy bringing up my past insecurity when we got into an arguments, to the point I finally realized that although he might 'love' me, he was not in love with me (it was a comfortable position for him to be in the relationship).

So think about it, don't get stressed out though. Good luck.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

Just like notinthemood said, I've been in a very similar situation with an ex. And yes, he's an ex now. Everyone here has wonderful advice, so I won't repeat things over and over again. Come on now, you have some very serious and real reasons to be insecure!!!! In other words...being insecure about this stuff is your gut trying to tell you this guy isn't very nice...but your not listening to your gut, your asking how to make your gut go away. Please realize this guy doesn't respect you, and doesn't love you as much as you think, like nevaeh said, maybe he "loves" you, but he isn't "in love" with you. Two totally different things. I do think you should dump this guy and "start over" as you said. Trust me, there are guys out there that will treat you with respect and honestly care for you from day one, not when your finally force them to. You will be so much happier without this guy...and funny thing, I bet your self esteem will just come right back after he's gone for a bit...mine did at least. You want to be confident again??? Well then be confident and trust yourself (not your bf)...realize that your feelings aren't silly, they are very very important and mean this guy isn't right for you. Don't let what your bf thinks your feelings are or should be, influence what you think. Good luck!