I met my boyfriend a year and 4 months ago while studying at another university a few states away under absolute fairytale conditions- it was love at first sight, he was handsome, we had a blast, everything seemed perfect, and he treated me like a queen. When I left, he and I had made plans for him to relocate near me and for us to keep seeing each other. We talked on the phone several times a day and everything seemed perfect, like before.

Then, I received an email from his pregnant wife, who told me to back off. I had no idea she existed and, absolutely crushed, called things off with him after he admitted that it was all real- he had been married the entire 9 months I had known him. He kept calling me and I finally answered days later when he sounded like he was in as much pain as I was in. I got a flood of excuses-- the baby wasn't his, he had been trying to file for divorce, she hadn't been living with him,etc-- and after some checking with her and searching her blogs/networking profiles these seemed to be true. He apologized profusely and I told him that he would have to change in order for us to continue. He promised to.

This was nine months ago, and since, he has gotten a better paying job, paid for everything on his own, and had to sacrifice practically everything he owned to pay for his expenses. His wife left him shortly after my email and they both filed for divorce, and the baby was born several months ago. He has come to visit me twice, using nearly all money he had, and I have been left with the feeling that he really does love me. He has always been there to listen to me, comfort me, and give advice, and we usually talk for hours, constantly, each day.

Starting about a month ago, he got really angry for about a week, getting uncharacteristically violent and shouting at me- taking out all his aggressions from work (he was evicted, his cat had just died, etc... just a bad time for him) and I tried to be as supportive as possible. I'm really quiet and easily hurt (I NEVER get mad- just hurt!) so this period really hurt me, and when I told him, he apologized but I didn't feel much better. Then, he went silent. Instead of calling me five times a day, he called me once every two days. When he talked to me, he acted like nothing was different. I never did anything to merit this- I never raised my voice or said anything mean or bad. In fact, I called him crying and sent him texts and voicemails telling him how hurt I was, but never got a response.

This has continued for about a month now, the silent treatment. He insists (whenever he calls) that nothing has changed, that he's just in a bad situation, and gives a lot of excuses (he was asleep, he had to work a lot, he didn't feel like talking, etc...) Every single member of my wonderful family and friends REALLY don't like/hate him for what he's done to me and just because he's a liar. Also, nothing has come of his divorce yet. They are even deducting child support from his pay, and he hasn't sought legal assistance to get a paternity test (if he's sure the baby isn't his as he says he is). He hasn't talked to his ex at all since she left, according to him, and found out about the baby through his sister. This said, he is a known liar. He insists he isn't lying about anything, but even if he isn't... he doesn't do anything for himself.

I would love to have a relationship with a man that I could trust, but I really, truly love him so much, and he is the first guy I've ever truly loved that has loved me back. I even have some actually wonderful guys interested in me right now, and I'm wondering if this could be the time to let him go? I love being with him, although I wouldn't see him until next year, when I could move back, and I love talking to him on the phone. We are completely compatible and support each other in all the ways we need, and I'm worried I won't be able to find someone that seems to complete me so well.

He acts like he has some mental illnesses, and he claims to have been severely abused as a child, but I know others who were and have risen above and are fine now. I'm just worried that this might be the wrong time to break things off with him- he's miserable and has had an enormous streak of bad luck that really screwed him over, and I don't want to pour salt in his wounds. Also, I am completely miserable whenever I can't talk to him for more than a day, and I'm afraid of the heartache I know I will go through if I have to break things off- without him to talk to, I'll just go extremely depressive-introverted. This has happened many times before and these times are always very dark and so hard to get out of.

Still, I can't help but wonder. My family and friends are getting more aggravated with me for staying with him as time goes by and that pressure is building, and it isn't helped by his absence. I'm consoling myself with what we had in the past as what we could have in the future, but that was all before I knew who he really was. Still, people change- and once his life settles down, there is a chance that I'd get him back. He's got so many problems- he refuses to talk to his ex or his family, he's extremely headstrong and temperamental, and somedays I wonder if he's dating me just because I'm attractive (not to brag, but I would say that I am. He certainly is and we do look good together.)

Also, he refuses to go to college or work a "salaried" job, claiming that it just "isn't him"; I'm going for my masters, so we're quite unevenly yoked in education and career. Also since knowing him I have had to compromise my religious beliefs (I was a devout Christian but dating a married man and a liar seemed so wrong that I was ashamed to go to church or even really pray) and it would be nice to get that back, too. Such a mess.

Anyone have any ideas or advice, been there, seen it, etc? Most people I've asked for advice just don't know what to say because they've never heard of anything like this. Please help- thanks.

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