Here is my situation, I live in a house with 2 other girls. We are all college friends (now post-college). My two roommates went to a wedding last weekend, but I couldn't go so I was home. I went to a birthday party of some friends and met a guy there. We hit it off instantly. We discovered we had a ton in common and best of all we were really excited to talk to each other. I haven't clicked with a guy like that in a long time (since my last bf). He offered to walk me home and as we approached my building he got a horrible look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he asked me if I knew Maggie. I said, "Yeah I live with her." And he explained that he had gone on an awkward date with her and it didn't turn out so well.
THEN it clicked. He worked for an investment firm, he was "banker guy." Banker guy is a guy my roommate told me about last month. They met through a mutual friend, got drunk, hooked up, then tried going on a date that turned out horribly. Then they ran into each other, she was wasted, tried to come on to him and he rejected her. So for the past month, we hate "banker guy." All I hear is about how much of an as*hole this guy is and so on. The thing is they didn't work out b/c they didn't have any chemistry. They knew each other about 30 min before the awkward hookup. He seems like a great guy, like I said we have so much in common and he was a complete gentlemen to me that night. He feels bad about the entire situation. So do I! Even more so. Is this something I can smooth over and get to know him or is he off limits?
I told her that I met him, but not that we exchanged numbers, nor that I have a crush on him. What do you think?
Levi's
Diego Dolcini
Koah
I think one woman's nightmare is another woman's dream, and it would be silly to forsake what could be a lovely relationship for the sake of a failed hook-up. I would talk to her and say you really like this guy and feel terrible for her; and I would ask him if there was any chance he'd talk with her and make things right. If handled with respect and dignity, the situation could turn out okay!
1You can try what Karlotta suggests, but be prepared for awkwardness and for her to treat him like sh!t if he ever comes over. She got drunk twice and hit on this guy while wasted, once "successfully", and the other time, rejected. You have been "hating on banker guy" for a month? Clearly, this is something that she has not shrugged off, and obviously still harbors much resentment about. Personally, I think she is the one with the problem...she is out of college, supposedly mature, and is still getting drunk and hooking up with strange men she has known for 30 minutes?...DANGEROUS. Honestly, she is probably more unhappy with her own behavior, but is projecting and making HIM the devil incarnate.
I am on the guy's side with this one...he is embarrassed that he went to bed with her while drunk, took her on a follow-up pity date out of guilt, and then rejected her drunk advances.
I don't think you should give up trying to date this guy and see where it goes, but be prepared for it to be alot tougher than you think with your friend. Let's face it, he rejected her and chose you. That is going to smart, even if they didn't have any chemistry, as you say.
You two have been calling him an a$$hole for a month... you will soon find out for yourself if it is true.
2I agree with jazzy on this one.
If you do decide to go ahead and date him, that's probably going to happen.
It's probably not only just awkward, things can get hostile too. So just be prepared with that possibility. Oh, and if the 'banker' wants to date you, and you want to date him too, just make sure you mention it to your roommate/friend before it happens so it's not going to be such a surprise.
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
3Yup. It'll probably be awkward.. and he's an *sshole because he rejected her/she's ashamed of her behavior.
I say go for it and see what happens. Just because it didn't work for her doesn't mean it won't be something wonderful for you.
4Ehmmm, you live with the drunk girl who might not react to well to this. Damn! If it wasn't so soon, things might be different.
5i think you need to talk to her... tell her what happened and how you came to meet this guy and had no idea who he was and that he was honest with you the minute he knew the situation. tell her you relaly hit it off with him and you were both sober and that you would like it if she was okay with you seeing him again. thats the best you can hope for.
6Just tell her that you met a guy you really liked, and then found out it was "banker guy" and want to know if she's ok with you pursuing him. It sounds like she got offended that she was rejected and that's why she's talked a lot about how much of a jerk he supposedly is. The fact is, she went on ONE date with this guy and had a drunken hookup. It's not like she dated him seriously. I doubt she'll have a problem with it.
Beauty is not a competition. It is in all of us and all around us.
7Obviously, there is bound to be some awkwardness, but in no way should you feel that you are breaking some sort of rule in being with Banker Guy. It's actually the kind of story that will be very funny at some point - yikes. In the meantime, I wrote a piece about this called The Man Code Sucks!
http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2009/03/20/hookinguprealities/the-man-code...
I would be totally up front with her immediately, be prepared for her to be pissed, and then give her a little time to get reasonable. If she's a good friend, she will not ask you to sacrifice a real connection b/c of her lack of one.
www.HookingUpSmart.com
8I don't think there's anything wrong with you going after banker guy myself... although if your roommate has been whining about him the past month, chances are that her reaction is going to be hostile / not favorable. I had a somewhat similar situation where my roommates' crush went after me -- she had one or two drunken make-out sessions with him, but he was never particularly interested in her. She moved on and started dating one of her crush's friends... but when her old crush and I were ever in the same room, she pretty much went crazy / got jealous... we're not rooming together once our lease is up to say the least.
I can't say that I would have had the same reaction as her -- if things don't work out with a guy a like / hooked up with, that shouldn't put him off-limits for someone else (especially when there's no significant dating history involved).
9What if you were to just not mention it to Maggie for a while. Play ignorant to the fact that this is Banker Guy for a spell? If you casually dated him for a little while, you'd get to know him and could then decide if it's a good idea to destroy your home environment for a relationship. By then, your roommate will have probably found someone new to blame for her drunken hookups, hopefully?
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