I'd say getting the wake-up call is the first step, and you seem to have got it. I know how hard it is to be in a relationship with a completely selfless person - hard to not to get stuck in the role of "the taker" when he is good at being "the giver." My current boyfriend is like this, too. SO nice that he would do pretty much anything. I think after a while it begins to rub off on you too, this selfless attitude - if you let it! Maybe it's making a conscious decision to treat him with the same care he shows you. If you find yourself in a situation where you have a chance to be completely selfless toward him (give money, time, effort, surprise him, etc.) then try and do it. You'll feel like you've accomplished something and he'll notice. Maybe his good example will show you how to be a more generous, caring, nurturing person - I know that's what my boyfriend's has done for me, although I'm not as naturally giving as he is.

You moved in with each other after only dating for 2 months? What you need to do is move out and live on your own. Teach yourself how to take care of yourself, cook for yourself, pay for yourself and do your own dishes so then when you are actually ready to live with someone else you will know how to share the responsibility. It sounds like you've been pampered for so long that you've completely lost appreciation for him. Yea it's good that you realize it but if that doesnt change anything then what's the point?

6months in and you've already turned into a lazy slob... at 6 months you should still be learning about each other, going on dates and having a couple of sleepovers... not living together and driving each other crazy. Seriously, reconsider the living situation. You need to learn how to live by yourself or with a roommate who wont let you get away with slacking on your chores before living with someone you're in a relationship with. Also, from now on, wait til you are with a guy for at least a year before moving in with them. I think that was your biggest mistake.

"Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it"

You moved in with this guy WAY too soon. I also get the feeling that you've spent little, if any, time living on your own as an adult. And you probably had parents that babied you, doing everything from laundry to packing lunches to reminding you when homework was due.

Relationships aren't about taking care of the other person. They're about being partners and building a life together. If you want to save your current relationship, move out and learn to survive on your own. The fact that he's practically assigning you chores is a really bad sign.

Well you took the first step. I think for everything you are about to freak out about, count to ten, take deep breaths, and think about what you are about to do. They are dishes...do not procrastinate. The less you do, the more he will resent you. He isn't asking much. In fact, I make my BF lunch if he doesn't have a huge box of Ramen noodles at work, and I always do dishes, clean the house, do laundry, etc -- because it needs to be done. He is not making you do chores, he is just asking a favor. If my BF asked me to make him lunch out right, he is not ordering me around, it's just a favor! Your behavior is a bit terrible, and you know that. Think of how you are about to act, count to ten, breathe, and then redirect that anger -- in a journal, in your head, whatever. Make sure to be calm and mature with your boyfriend. You cannot take someone seriously who throws a tantrum. Speak calmly, don't be snarky -- really, just be mature, and be NICE. That's all you can try for now...watching out for your attitude.

k, just to settle it.. i moved in with him BECAUSE I had to drop school and was living in student housing. I have lived on my own by myself for over a year.. so it wasnt soon at all for us.

I wasnt pampered either, so thats out too. I have lived alone for a while, and was always doing chores in middle and high school. Thats not a problem at all. Its the fact that I dont appreciate him as much as I should..

avant, you moved in with your boyfriend because it made life easier for you.. not because you two were ready to take that giant leap in your relationship. That's a baaaaad thing. You've only been together for 6 months, do you know how many people break up at the 6month mark? I think you will find out pretty soon.

Luisamapacha made a very good point:
"Relationships aren't about taking care of the other person. They're about being partners and building a life together."

Your man is taking care of you, you are completely dependent on him for food, transportation, support... everything. It's like you're his kid or something. Relationships are supposed to be equal. He does things for you, you do things for him. A relationship will never work out if the partners are not equal because eventually (it seems like this is his breaking point) someone will get sick of giving more then they're getting and the relationship will crumble. He is doing everything for you and it sounds like youre doing nothing at all for him... except complaining and making his life miserable. We can't tell you how to become a woman, you need to act like a f*cking adult and start helping out by taking care of yourself! He is not your daddy, you are not his responsibility, he does not HAVE to do any of this but something in you is EXPECTING him to do all of this for you. You're just as bad as your ex boyfriend was except probably worse because you complain when he asks you to do stuff.

I can almost guarantee that when you moved in he wasnt anywhere near ready but he just felt bad in making you try to get a place on your own. This relationship will not work out if you dont smarten up and take responsibility for yourself. Do the f*cking dishes.

"Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it"

Just as an example, we just moved from the north to the south, where I had to leave my job where I was teaching. Since moving and getting my ducks in a row, literally there are NO jobs whatsoever, and I look and look, and try and try for hours a day, and there is nothing. So I feel absolutely miserably terrible because he makes the money. However, the difference is that my boyfriend literally does not care (because all of my money will be used on booze and restaurants everyday...like it was before). However, I don't act like this is a free ride. I do all the errand running, cooking and cleaning, phone call making...pretty much everything else. And trust me, living with this man who can turn a room into a disaster area in literally 5 minutes is not easy. I make it a POINT to know he is appreciated. I do my sh*t without asking. I leave notes around the house saying I love him more than anything in the world. Every night I tell him that I'm sorry I don't have a job lol sounds weird, but I also say I appreciate all he does. I would never let a single day pass without letting that man know how much he means to me. Even when I was working...he made the bulk of the money, the least I can do is clean up his crap...hey, and I worked 9 hours a day, and I STILL did it. Now I have all the time in the world to do stuff...and it does take all the time in the world, and I DO it. No way would I b*tch about that...ever in a million years.

You moved in together quick, but so did we. 8 months after dating. Hey, we've been together 2+ years, and we're still going. Don't let that mean anything...but try to see it from his perspective. If you do nothing, he can't even attempt to see this as a level playing field. If you go to school, fine...but is that it? Can you not clean the house, do laundry, run errands? That would help him out a lot.

Wow, you treat him worse than just a normal roommate if you don't even pick up after yourself and do dishes. Since you already openly say that you don't appreciate him as you should, then either start appreciating him or just MOVE ON. That dude will be in high demand, believe me, esp. if you claim if he's a great looking guy, takes good care of his woman and responsible, and is a hardworker, a lot of single women are waiting for a guy like him.

Granted, making him lunch is the 'extra' couple thing that he asks for (in exchange to basically doing a lot of stuffs for you, and dude, that's just so good in exchange for ALL those things), oh HOW HARD CAN IT BE? Just slap a turkey/ham sandwich together with cheese and lettuce or something, and he'll praise you to high heaven since you barely do that or throw a fit. Wait, you did throw a fit? You're 20, right? May want to really learn to not throw a fit when someone requested you to do something, if you're too busy, just say, 'sweetie, I can't this afternoon, how about tomorrow, so today, you buy your lunch outside, ok? I loove you.' (Then, keep your promise)
OR. You can always buy those 'easy' lunches b4hand, you don't even have to make them! (Most of them microwaveable), since you've claimed to have lived by yourself, surely, you know how to find them in the supermarket aisle. Then put them in a brown bag with a bottle of vitamin water or something, and there, he'll feel special.

Just do those two things (dishes and bag a lunch) as best as you can, I'm sure you do it for yourself when you live alone? Or even for your ex, right?

Another suggestion: I think that you need to kind of pick up yourself too, try to lessen the reliance on him when it comes to money. Why? Let's just say, whoever holds the check book usually (generally) holds the 'power.' Since this is a new relationship, he's still accommodating you ALOT (honeymoon phase, see?), wait until the relationship is 'older' and not so new/passionate. If he's tired of being taken for granted for (and he's already feeling it right now), even the nicest guy can turn into a jerk in the future (well, you'd think that he's a jerk, although in reality, he's probably just TIRED of the whole relationship/situation).
Do some independent things too proving to him that you're very capable of taking care of yourself without depending on him too much, example: Instead of getting him to pick you up, if it's daylight, try taking a bus sometimes, or walking (if it's not too far). Work part-time so that you get extra cash you can contribute to the household and food, etc.

's all.

I want to add: my guy friend was married to a woman like this. They never had kids, even though she wanted to, because he just thought how much extra work that would be - taking care of her AND a baby. They went on to divorce and she still hasn't had kids with anyone, even though she's in her 30s.

It's easy to take someone for granted when they do everything for you and expect them to. I am sure your man would be fine paying for things if you at least acted like you gave two sh*ts about him, and made a conscious effort to realize you've got a good guy in your life. You are still in the honeymoon phase as another poster mentioned...in the honeymoon phase people want to treat their men or women like kings and queens...and you are not even typical in that area. In my relationship, the honeymoon phase is over, but I really want my boyfriend to be happy and feel appreciated. Every day I thank god that he is mine, he is the best man I can think of, and even if I god forbid have 12 babies at one time, live in a small house that can barely fit any of us, and I still had to drive him to and from work, do his laundry, make food, pick up after him, AND take care of his kids in bad conditions...I would do it, and do it willingly, because he works hard and makes me undeniably happy.

Honestly, when it comes down to it...I think you need a better way to control your feelings, and you need to actively think about what you are doing and how detrimental it is to the person you say you love. I would hate to be taken for granted, wouldn't you? You have to make a conscious effort like I said, it takes work, and you definitely need to work at bettering your behavior and altering your expectations.

You can start by living your own life and not being dependent on him. While i don't think he has any place to judge you since this is his first relationship, i think he's still in it because he doesn't know any better. He's got white knight syndrome.

Well, thanks to everyone for commenting so far. Appreciate the feedback. Im not a TOTAL bit**... dont make me sound like one lol. If my boyfriend didnt believe that I can change, he would have left me by now.
I cleaned the house like mad today so he can come home after overtime at work and relax. I have done stuff for him in the past, but this is his first relationship, and he can be naive about how much he does for me. I am not going to hurt him in anyway, because he is such a good person. He is entirely selfless, and I admire that in him.
He makes ME want to be a better individual. I love him for that, so I express that in ways that are creative and ways that he will love.

Its hard for some of you to understand the situation.. so dont give me mouth if you arent in my position. I asked for criticism by posting this, i know, but at least NICE criticism is helpful.

Im not entirely ungrateful for him, and i would NEVER EVER use him. He is such a good person, he deserves better than that. I was with somone for three years, taking care of him, calling him, seeing him as much as i could, even ditching school to travel to cali to see him.. 400 miles away from where I currently live. I have been there, been through it. Long distance relationships are hard, so if i can do that, I sure as heck should be able to do this. And john is 70x more of a man than my x will ever be.
Im independent, and dont need anyone to survive, and I think that I lost that when i clinged to my x for three years. But i left him by myself, and chose the right path with John.
People know that people give me things because of my modeling and such.. and im thin, as bad as that sounds.. people do it sometimes, and my boyfriend knows that. But i will never use my looks or anything like that against someone to get what I want. Ever. That is selfish and vain.
I am coming to terms with who I once was, and who i should be, and what it takes to get to both.

Thanks for all your comments guys.. keep em coming if you want!

you sound like a fairly intelligent person, perhaps you should talk to your boyfriend and see what else you two can come up with.

First of all, I would like to say congratulations on taking what he said to heart and thinking about changing. That is definitely the first step in taking responsibility.

So, what do I think you should do to make it right? Honestly, i think you should sit down with him and make a list of ALL the chores/errands you both need done. Then, for a month or so, divide them in half. So, say he picks you up from work one day, you trade that for something of equal time or annoyance (for me it would be sorting recycling... ick). Regarding making dinner or lunches - what about trading off every day or every week? Then, after a month, maybe you can sit down and talk again about how to divide up these chores in the future. (Example: In my relationship, I HATE vacuuming, but don't mind cleaning the bathroom. It is vice versa for him, so we both do the lesser of the evils and are relatively happy.)

I think the key for you to do is to come at this logically, not like you are being a bad girlfriend or anything to do with how much you care about him... Just think about it like work. It has to be done, no point in complaining about it and no need to get upset. And I bet, if you try dividing things up for even one month, you will appreciate him much more and I am sure he will you.

Thank you!!

and btw, I work 17 hours a week, and i model part-time and am going to school soon... so i dont just sit around on my a** all day guys... pch.. im not that sh*tty!

well, good advice-sort through it and see what applies directly. Let us know what happens with an update.

It's great that your boyfriend called you out on this. It sounds like he lit a bit of a fire under your ass. He's not going to let you take him for granted. If you have that tendency, then this is very good for you. Sometimes we don't change unless we have to.

If you want to get better, it's going to take real effort on your part. Honestly, I was a bit selfish in my prior relationships, and in my current one, I was determined to get better. I just try to think of small ways to make my boyfriend's life a little nicer. It doesn't have to be big things.

As for making him lunch, the best thing to do is just to make it a habit. Habits stop feeling like work after a while.

Remember that you have control over your responses to thing. You can fight the urge to throw a fit.

In any case, if you keep it up, you'll lose him. Maybe that will be enough to change your behavior. If not, you'll learn the lesson the hard way.

Others have given you really good ideas I agree with luisa, that relationship is about being partners. Try to think that you guys are sharing a household, it's YOUR house too, not only his, so that you have some sense of ownership in things you need to do to keep up a good household, basically have pride in your little household together.

Instead of depending on him to do everything around the house, just pull your weight a little bit. He's suggested making lunch (and I like Hope2's idea that there are real EASY lunches : sandwiches, premade/precooked lunches---heck, that's what I make for my hub LOL, believe me, unless your bf is picky, guys usually will appreciate a ham sandwich in a brown bag and a bottle of gatorade ), and doing dishes when he cooks and when you cook, he can do the dishes too.
If you're too tired, let him know instead of getting upset/throwing a tantrum, and you'll do it after you take a rest/take a nap, but really do it instead of forgetting about it.
Dividing household chores can help too. But like pop says, if you make things into habit, it's going to get easier and less like a chore.

Talk to him if you're not good into the making lunch/doing dishes thing and suggest other chores instead, if you'd rather cook dinner, then, say, I'd cook while you do the dishes then take turns. I like vacuuming and doing dishes, while my hubby is more into mowing the lawn, taking out garbage and taking care of plants, so I let him do those while I vacuum and do dishes. Make compromises too. Don't take everything into a huge black mark on your character, just think of it as something constructive. Good luck.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

You're only 20 years old, why did you have to move in together? Just because you're dating and in love doesn't mean you have to live together. Living together is something that should happen after a person has grown on their own and been independent. When will you learn to take care of you?

A 20 year old should be allowed to be a *little* selfish, you're still growing into your own woman. You shouldn't be forced to grow up and play house with a boyfriend. The healthiest thing is to live on your own, become independent, and go through a nice, normal dating process. Can't you be together without living together???

Why are young women so anxious to move in with their boyfriends?? What happened to just dating and moving in together when you get married (or at least have been dating for a few years and are planning on getting married/being together for the long haul).

Personally, I think boyfriends/girlfriends moving in together (especially after only a few months!!) is ridiculous and it forces the relationship into places where it doesn't need to be. You're 20, you don't need to be cooking lunch for anyone but yourself!!

Live at home or get your own place (or with roomates), be independent, be your own woman, and don't think you have to move in with every boyfriend - or any boyfriend. It will make you a better girlfriend in the long run, and a more mature, independent person.

"WHEN DO GIRLS BECOME WOMEN" we are always growing up, im 20 as well and i think your experiences make you into women, the difference between what media 'society' thinks about girls and women is, girls are young and childish and women are mature.......so not true, you can be mature when your like 15, it just depends on what you've been through and understand, i think you become a woman when your basically old enough to have kids and not depend on anyone else....i think that you are half way there the fact you know what your doing wrong and know its wrong as well......all you need is a kick up the arse to stop being lazy in your relationship with your bf as in any and work at it, bite your tongue when you know your about to get high and mighty about something not worth get moody over, its hard coz we all do it, spesh when were still our age coz we know we can get away with it with our parents coz their love is {should be} unconditional....they had us......you have to know that maybe in the future your bf will just get sick of your laziness and leave.......so if you really want to be with this guy, make it work yourself......