I have been having sex for about 9 months now with my man. We were both virgins. It hurt originally and i expected that to go away. It hasnt. I know the typical answers are experiment with other sexual was of expressing yourself (oral sex, masturbation, etc.). These have all been done and not a problem and organsm is easily achieved without any pain. There are no STDs or anything, we have been tested. I am told i need to learn to relax more, so i am here to ask. How do i relax down there in the middle of sex? Or any other tips? Anything at all? It is really frustrating for me and as much or more for him!
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melissa
How exactly does it hurt? Do you feel like it's burning? Is he big and tearing you? Is he big and hitting you in the cervix?
1Do you actually need to relax more? Are you tense during sex? I would assume this might be because you're anticipating the pain?
Could there be another pathological reason for feeling tense? There's a condition called vaginismus, which is a reflex of the muscles which can affect women to varying degrees and there's a number of different reasons for it.
But you are able to achieve penetration, right? Are you just sore during sex? Like, you're not producing enough of your own lubrication, in which case a lubricant could make a difference. Or make sure you get enough foreplay in prior to penetration. It could also be his technique. Does it feel like he's bruising your kidneys during sex? Guys who don't really know what they're doing tend to 'jackhammer'... not that pleasurable... Sometimes the wrong angle can hurt a lot, depending on the position. How long do you have sex for? Going for a shorter period of time might keep your vagina from becoming too irritated.
2Buy a good natural lubrication and use plenty of it! Also make sure that your bf performs a lot of foreplay on you first, like giving you oral sex. The more lubrication the less likely that it will hurt. The other idea could be to get your bf to make you orgasm before you have intercourse. That way, you will be lubricated and your muscles will be relaxed. Then, have sex with you on top so that you can move in a way that is comfortable for you. If you still have a problem after doing this, then you need to see your doctor. Good luck.
3Make sure he spends lots of time on foreplay - 20 - 30 minutes, and uses his fingers before intercourse. During this time, your muscles down there naturally relax and lubricate and it shouldn't hurt.
4Your doctor may have already tested you or checked for this, but I know endometriosis (where endometrial cells, which form the lining of the uterus, grow outside of the uterus, such as in the vaginal passage) can also cause pain during sex. I had a friend with this condition, and her only symptom was pain during sex.
5When I first started having sex, and for about 4 months afterward, it hurt terribly. I was constantly bleeding, I was in so much pain. I went to the GYN, and nothing was wrong. I wasn't tense or anything. I think in order to make it more comfortable for you, make sure you have a lot of lube on hand, as well as your own natural lubrication -- which means more than 2 minutes of foreplay. Aim for 30, which can definitely help you.
I noticed when I started using lube, it greatly improved. Also, having more sex made it better. Obviously. I haven't had trouble in years. I always make sure foreplay is long, and I have a bottle of lube next to the bed.
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