My best friend and I had a falling out when we traveled together five years ago. We had been growing apart for about a year or more, and then after we returned from the trip didn't really hang out all summer. After the summer we had a bit more contact to exchange birthday presents, but after that, nothing. She's a strange sort of person - will not open up to anyone, and in all the time I'd known her we never really had heart-to-hearts. Well I think she was going through some type of depression/mourning (we had a friend whom she was very close to at one point die a month before we left for our trip) and didn't contact me or anyone for a long time. Before I knew it she wasn't answering my emails and when I bumped into her in person she looked me in the eye and then looked away. I thought I must have done something terribly wrong so I apologized and explained myself and my part in the falling out we'd had over email. I wrote her a long letter, I emailed and told her I missed her, that I was sorry multiple times over the course of 4 years - never a response. I cried and cried over it, thinking I was such a bad friend. I finally found her and tried to talk to her in person but she wouldn't have it, and told me to email her instead. I was very nice and even began to cry when I tried to ask her what happened. I just wanted to talk in person and find out what really happened to make her treat me in this way. Well I emailed and there was no answer for a month. When she did email me she made some excuse about being busy and then told me I could ask her questions over email, but did not offer to talk to me in person. I asked her what happened with us - no answer. Over a year later I'm STILL bothered by the whole thing. I see her posts on facebook on other people's pages, but she will not allow me to "be her friend." I know I should be over it, but every time I am reminded of her I feel like I must be a monstrous person for her to act like I am dead, because although she treats many of her former friends with some level of contempt, she reserves this prolonged shunning for me alone. Is it because I was her best friend? I recently asked two people who know the situation and were friends with both of us if they know why she is mad, and they both think I did nothing to offend her, it's just that she "can't deal with" our relationship or lack thereof so she avoids it altogether. This makes sense in that she is the kind of person who avoids anything and everything, but I don't understand why or how anyone could ice out someone they used to care about knowing full well how much they are hurting. How do I get past this? Has anyone ever lost a friend and then been totally ignored? How do I shake the feeling that I am the bad guy and that it’s all my fault?
her and me
How can I get over it?
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You poor thing. I can tell this is really breaking your heart. I wish I had an answer, but the truth is that you just have to let go.
Unless you're leaving out some key details in your post, you didn't do anything wrong. I mean, you'd KNOW what you did if you called her horrible names and told her you wished she were dead. But the fact that you have no idea means to me that you probably did nothing.
This girl - for whatever reason - has decided to blow you off. In fact, she seems to be getting some kind of gratification from it. Why tell you that she can only contact her over email an then not respond to you at all? It's pretty mean.
So what you have to realize is that all of this is on HER. She's the mean one. She's the one with a problem. You have got to stop agonizing over this. Why? Because it's totally out of your control. You have to accept that there is nothing that you can do. Part of how you can do that is to stop blaming yourself.
Now, onto you. No offense, but it's not super healthy that you're fixating on this like you are. It's like you seem obsessed about this girl. I know it sucks what happened, but it worries me how you're responding to it. I think you're the kind of person who likes logic and who likes answers and so this must bug you.
But the healthy response to this sort of thing is for you to think "eff her". Not to think "oh my gosh I have to know what is wrong with ME, what I did wrong." I mean, it's natural to think that up front, but to feel like this for years and years isn't healthy.
Do you have other self-esteem and control issues? Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder? I don't want to read too much into this but I'm concerned you might have an anxiety type disorder that could be helped with therapy.
1Aw. That picture is so cute! From what you've said, it sounds like your friend is going through some serious psychological stuff. I can't think of any other explanation for her behavior. I think the only thing you can do is try to talk to her in person once more. Maybe just show up at her door so she can't run away or anything. Also, do you know her parents? If so, you could ask them about the situation and they might be able to give you some insight. But besides that, I think you are pretty much out of options. You've tried your best to be there for your friend but she is causing you nothing but pain now. If your "sneak attack" attempt doesn't work, you need to move on. But you should absolutely not feel bad about this. This situation is not your fault at all.
Beauty is not a competition. It is in all of us and all around us.
2It's tough, but I think you will just have to concentrate on your other friends. It sucks to want to hang out with someone, only to find that they don't feel the same way about you, but there really isn't anything you can do about it. You have already done all you can- asked her if you did something wrong, apologized, asked her what is happening between you, etc... You've given it your all. She just isn't responding.
I'm sorry, you sound like a great friend. She's just not interested =(
Protect your heart until you find someone who can do it better than you.
3You have done nothing wrong, apparently she is going through something and she feels the need to ignore you. If she was truely your friend then she would give you an answer and not excuses. I would just tell yourself that she lost a good thing in her life and move on, find another friend.
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