I am engaged to a wonderful man. He is from a different country, although he has been in the US for more than 10 years. Sometimes I just don't understand him though (he still has a pretty thick accent), or he will ask a "stupid" question about pop culture that I assume everyone knows, and I will just snap at him about it. But he is not the only person I do this to; I snap at my friends and my family members too.
I know it's wrong of me to behave like this towards people I care about and I want to stop, but I don't know how. I have thought about going to therapy, but am not sure it will help. My fiance would like to have children in the next year or so and I really want to break this habit before bringing children into my life. Do you have any advice?
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Charles Anastase
Tipster
Marc Jacobs
It sounds like part learned behavior and part irritability. Therapy really would help - they teach you ways to control your initial responses that you spent so many years learning. You might also find some helpful books on breaking bad habits. You could do things like practice taking a deep breath before you say anything, or cognitive behavioral therapy that might have you snip yourself with a rubber band that's around your wrist every time you snap at someone.
1Agree with Luisa.
You won't grow out of it unless you deal with w/e issues that made this a part of your character. This will take effort to grow out of, so don't expect it to just go away when you get out of bed one day.
2I used to be like this. It turned out that I just wasn't as happy as I thought I was.
Do you like your job? Are you SURE about your fiance?
Sounds like you have some latent anger and stress. What is the source of it?
3I think admitting is the first step. If youre aware that you're doing it you may be able to control it as well. When you snap realize it immediately and apologise. Soon you'll be able to control it before it happens. If that doesnt work, try therapy.
good luck!
"Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it"
4Therapy can do amazing work!
5I do this and finally was able to attribute it to general anxiety disorder. Try looking up some books on that to see if you have any other symptoms then you can either try to self-help or go to therapy.
6Trying therapy definitely can't hurt. I have this issue sometimes and it's due to anxiety (yay, Tidal!) - knowing why I do it and how to stop myself is very helpful. You can try cognitive behavioral therapy to retrain your mind in how to deal with stressful situations. You can take medication to even things out. Most of this can only be determined by a licensed professional.
7I did this too for the longest time. I was miserable, and everyone around me was miserable. I went to a therapist and a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with a mild bipolar personality. I'm on an extremely low dose of medication now, and I saw a therapist for awhile, and I'm much much better about it. Occasionally I snap, but no where NEAR as much as before. Therapy absolutely will not hurt to try. If it's not working for you stop. It can't make things worse.
8It's great that you're aware of it too. Try keeping it in check on your own in addition to any outside help you might seek.
Good Luck!!
it does not seem you're not to understanding!!
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