I was in an On and Off relationship for over 2 years. Every time we broke up, my exboyfriend would go online and try to hookup with girls he would meet on different sites (he actuallynever met with them in person but carried out pretty steammy conversations), he would get back with his ex, or he would persue something with one of his "real" friends. I mean pretty messed up stuff. After a few weeks of us being broken up, he would call, visit, and pretended to be the knight in shining armor. I would be hesitant and doubtful, but managed to forgive him. He never changed, things were always the same and he would do exactly the same things. Finally I got tired of it and decided that the only way to break the cycle was to move.
It has been over a year since we broke up, but he has been calling me and telling me how much he has changed in the past year, that he met someone who did to him what he did to me, and how sorry he is for causing me that much pain. I know that he is still up to his same bs, but my feelings kinda start to resurface. However, I have come to realize that my feelings are merely a sexual craving for him, in my book he has been the BEST SEX I have ever had (I think is the only time he and I got along PERFECTLY).
I mean it is pretty messed up, because I may be sleeping with my boyfriend and I am having pretty vivid dreams with the ex, or we are having sex and I am remembering how good the other one was (my boyfriend and I don't really agree in bed and that sucks), or since I have to do some my self, I just think of my ex.
Sorry for rambling on, but I really need to know what to do to get over it.
Why is it so hard to get over a bad relationship that had awesome sex?
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First, cut yourself some slack. There is nothing wrong with remembering a fantastic lover, even if everything else in the relationship was wrong. Great sex is like a drug, that euphoria you feel is like nothing else, to me anyway.
I commend you for admitting that it is just about the sex with the ex that you are thinking about...you know he was toxic in other ways, and are not making excuses for him, which is great.
I think the biggest problem is that you are not sexually compatible with your boyfriend, and that is what you should address. Either you need to communicate more what you need in bed with him, or else, date someone else who you are more compatible with. I know some people think sex shouldn't be that important if the guy is great, but I disagree. We all deserve to have the whole package, including you, or you will not be happy long term. You need to address this, or it will fester and you will really end up hurting each other.
Good luck to you!
1Address your current problem :sexual incompatibility with your current bf instead of adding more to the plate by getting an ex who's obviously no good for you into your life. Work on it and maybe it'll get better and even better than what you had with your ex.
I know great sex is awesomeness, heck I love great sex, I can go on and on about sex.
But believe it or not, it may not be with this bf, you can actually meet someone you're very compatible with in bed (have the greatest sex in your life) and he can also fulfill you outside the bedroom.
Why don't you open up the possibility of being a guy who can 'give it all' in bed our outside the bed, instead of settling for one or another?
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
2If you keep coming back to the same guy, you'll never find another "great sex" lover. The only way to find someone else who you're sexually compatible with is... to find someone else.
3I agree with the others. I understand how you feel about missing the great sex. I think the problem is worse because it doesn't sound like you are very sexually compatible with your current lover so you think about your ex because the sex was better. I think that it may also just be the idea of wanting someone or going back to someone who rejected you, and that you may still have feelings for him. But the thing is, you can find it ALL- great sex and someone who loves you and treats you well. I just you just haven't found it all in one person yet but you will. Good luck to you.
4I agree with jazzytummy. As long as you know that your ex was a horrible guy, you're good to go. Work on being better with your current bf, to work out all the problems.
Protect your heart until you find someone who can do it better than you.
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