The first and most important rule is "take care of youself." You are in an abusive relationship and it's good that you know you need to leave. That in itself takes a lot of strength and courage. You must put yourself first right now. If you don't, who will?

You can't control how your soon-to-be ex feels, and you can't control what he does. Therefore, it makes absolutely no sense to feel guilty about anything he says or does. Of course, he'll try to guilt-trip you into staying with him, maybe even threatening suicide, but remember, only he is in control of what he does. You can't change that.

Talk to a good friend and arrange a place for you to live. Tell her you're leaving an abusive relationship and that you need her to keep you away from him in your weaker moments.

If you must, write a list of reasons why you need to leave the relationship. Write down all the mean things he says and does. If you're ever feeling like you miss him, pull out that list and read it again.

Also, check with your local churches and schools to find free or low-cost counseling.

This is without a doubt an abusive relationship.

Odds are 99.9% that he will not harm himself if you leave. You have to take care of you first, not your abuser. Men have been using that excuse against women forever. 9 times out of 10, empty threat. If he does hurt himself, it is because of something wrong with him, not you. You only have power over yourself, no one else. It isn't your job to take care of him. You are still young, go live your life. Also, go into a crisis center. They can give you free counseling and tell you how to leave. They aren't all shelters, they are there for exactly this reason. If you want to email me privately shoot me a pm. I can give you the locations of Women's Crisis Centers in your area.

Yes you are in an abusive relationship. And no, that is absoultely NOT normal behavior.

First of all, you do need to tell at least one person. A good friend or family member that you trust. Don't feel bad or stupid or embarrassed, or anything like that. Your family and friends will understand, plenty of people deal with things like this. If anything, your friends and family will be proud of you for stopping this before it gets any worse, like to physical abuse. So, inform that friend of exactly what is going on and that you need a place to stay when you break up with him. And tell that friend to help stop you from getting back together with him again. Go ahead and leave (physically) and then break up with him from over the phone or something. Don't do it in person, especially if you don't have anyone else with you, b/c you might not be able to go through with it, and you want to make sure you are safe in case he decides to take the abuse to another level. If you guys live together (just guessing b/c you didn't say whether you did or not) then like I said, go ahead and leave and take whatever you can carry that is most important to you, and come back with a friend later for the rest of your stuff. And then write a list like luisa said of all the bad things about the relationship to look at whenever you feel like getting back together. And maybe write a list of what you deserve and want in a man and then think about whether he had enough of that list to deserve you. Keep yourself very very busy to keep yourself from even thinking of getting back together with him too.

About him threatening to hurt himself at all. If all you think about is him and hurting him, who's going to take care of you? Obviously he won't...he doesn't even try to comfort you when you're upset!!! So you have to take care of yourself first!!! Like Great Sommelier said, men use that excuse all the time, I had an ex that did it, and he took it to another level and went on about a history of depression in his family. And of course he was fine when I broke up with him and just grieved like regular, crying and being sad. Even if your ex (yes ex, b/c that is what he will be very soon right!?) does something to hurt himself, it is not your fault, it is his problem that he needs to get help for. And it is not your job to stay with him when it is hurting you this much just b/c he can't handle you leaving...that is HIS problem not YOURS!!!! Always take care of yourself first!!! And like Great Sommelier said again, find a crisis center if you truly don't want to talk to anyone in your family or any friends, but no matter what, someone needs to know what is going on, b/c they can help you SO much. Good luck!!!

This is an abusive relationship. Him cutting you down the way he is is taking your power away, getting rid of every shred of your self esteem and trying to make you stay with him out of desperation. his threats of suicide are manipulative in nature. There are women's shelters and therapists that are trained to help you get out.
You are a strong woman. Take back your power. Take care of yourself, get the support you need, and get out now.

This definitely sounds like an abusive and controlling relationship -- which could have serious and lasting impact on you and your health.

There is an emerging link between womens reproductive health issues, including unplanned pregnancy and STD infection, and relationship abuse – particularly among teens.

For example, girls who are victims of violence from dating partners are four to six times more likely than non-abused girls to become pregnant (Harvard School of Public Health).

One in three adolescents tested for sexually transmitted infections and HIV have experienced domestic violence.

Learn more, take action or share a story at www.knowmoresaymore.org

It is NOT normal to treat people like sh*t in an adult relationship. I hope you can gather yourself together and leave this man. Don't sentence yourself to a lifetime of abuse out of fear.

NO this is not normal. He is absolutely verbally abusing you. Please leave and get therapy. Often when people suffer from depression, they think they deserve this abuse. You do not deserve this. Do not stay because you think he will hurt himself. Tell his friends or family he is depressed. Your duty is to you and your depression, and staying with him will only perpetuate your misery.

Please reconsider telling a close friend or family member. You need all the support you can get. Good luck.

Please tell friends or family members that you trust!! Once they know how he treats you, you will be less likely to stay with him because other people will know how terrible it is. One of the worst things that you can is to not tell anyone. You have done nothing wrong to deserve this treatment, therefore you have no reason to feel ashamed or blame yourself. Consider counselling to deal with your depression. Cognitive behavioural therapy can be very effective for depression.

I was in a verbally abusive relationship, and I didn't tell anyone the horrible things he said to me, because he attacked my self esteem to the point that I thought no one else would ever want me, or I couldn't live without him. Well, I was wrong, and once I got out of the situation I realized how much happier I was without him in my life and that I didn't need him and he actually made my life and my depression much worse. His problems with depression are not your problems, and you need to worry about your own well being right now. Besides that, there is no way you can help him because he is harming you and you can't help someone else if you can't even help yourself. It's the same as the fact that you cannot really love someone else until you love yourself. I agree with others who have said you should go into a women's crisis center. If you have trouble doing it alone then bring a friend or relative.
Good luck to you.

I agree with all the other posters. One thing I would like to add is don't go near him alone after the break up. If you need to get your things bring someone with you. Be safe. This guy sounds like a real jerk and if he can get you alone he will only try to suck you back into the relationship.