I'm 20, and I've been with my BF for 15 months now. We're both in college, though he is 25 because his family couldn't afford to pay for his education all at once, so he did 3 years, worked for 2 and came back. Last semester he took 21 hours (the max allowed at my school) even though I told him it was a bad idea, and he became extremely withdrawn. He barely left his computer or went to class. He barely talked to me, either. He would tell me to go do stuff with friends but was very bothered when I wasn't around, though he barely had sex with or paid attention me at all. By the end of the semester, I was distraught because I love him so much and it didn't seem he loved me anymore; finding out that he had cheated on an ex of his from one of his girl friends got me so mad that I made us take a break over Christmas break until we could talk to each other face to face. I found out it may have been hasty after I talked to her more and found out the relationship was 6 years ago, and decided to give him another chance when we got back, on the condition that he completely reform his behavior, get tested and get counseling. He has also started working out 5 days a week and joined a club of his own to get out of the house. He has done all this, but a strange trend has popped up; whenever I start to get nervous and babble or pace, he has become more agressive. For instance, once I was talking about how I was nervous since my period was late, and started to pace, instead of being supportive, he got up, pulled me by the back of my pants down onto his bed, clamped his arms around my chest and hissed at me to listen to him. I started crying immediately because it hurt some and terrified me, and he immediately let go and apologized profusely; he knows I come from an abusive background, and made it clear that he was just panicking because I was panicked and was terribly sorry, and got down on his hands and knees to beg forgiveness. (He has never been this way before; the worst was once when we had a big fight 3 months ago and he grabbed my arms a little too hard when he was trying to make a point.) After he made me cry we had a big discussion, and since he had been pointing to marriage lately, I told him I wasn't ready for that, and he told me that he felt that he had done enough "penance" by "being extra good" for last semester and that I was holding a grudge against him. I have forgiven him, but the fact is that it will take more than a month to fix a semester of neglect, and I told him so. He then said he didn't know what he would do without me. I was flabbergasted; he had hinted towards engagement, but I thought it was all in fun because he usually said it just to tease me, and asked him if I hypothetically told him that I wanted to see other people what would happen to him; he said he would never marry and devote himself to work, because his girlfriend directly before me was very emotionally abusive to him ( which is a well confirmed fact through mutual friends), and that he was tired of getting hurt - that he would give up on love and live alone. He also said that he would only ever marry if it was to me, and told me that guys don't absolutely need life outside work to be happy. I was shocked that he would give up on himself so easily. The conversation changed to fixing what we have now, and I'm currently still with him, but I need to know - is he manipulating me to stay? Is this self-esteem issue part of the issue for which he is going to counselling and will be fixed? Could he be telling the truth at all? Is the agression because he's been working out so much & there is too much testosterone? He has never made any of these excuses for himself and is still going to counselling... but I need to know if this is something that can be worked through or if these are big red flags with "RUN NOW!!" all over them. I do love him, and I don't want to leave him when he obviously needs help... but I need to know if this is bad enough to warrant being cold and cutting my losses so he can find someone when he is healthy and I can not have to deal with a potentially abusive relationship. I also want to know if I'm cruel for staying with him when I don't see marriage in our future just yet. I really don't want to have to do this if I don't have to, especially because I hate to betray the trust of others and break both our hearts. Help!

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