My boyfriend tells me he only does it because he cares about me but he rarely gives it. says that he cant get me off, so hes not putting in any effort. when I tell him what makes me feel good he just gets frusterated, but expects me to give it back to him, I do it because I like to. I didnt get it for weeks and when he did the other day it was less than a minute. I tell him I take it personally because he's taking something satisfying away from me.. I dont know what to do because when I ask for it or make suggestions he gets irritated. I see oral sex counts as sex and I cant get off unless I get it, doesnt make sex feel as good. It makes me upset that im not getting the sexual affection I want but i feel guilty asking/begging for it when he says he "hates" giving to oral in general. other than that hes very sweet, goes out of the way to make me happy. I dont want to settle without getting oral I just dont know how else to approach this with him. Hes had 2 girlfriends cheat on him in the past and I would never hurt him like that but I think I know why they did. what should I do, just go about and be happy with him even though im not sexually satisfied?
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Don't force someone to do something sexual because you want it. If he's not going to ever be comfortable with it, and it's that big a deal, then break up with him and find someone who will.
1I totally agree - don't force something sexual on someone - how would you feel if the tables were turned? If he doesn't satisfy you and you two have discusses it perhaps it's time to find a partner who does saatisfy you.
2I agree you shouldn't force him. However, as Dan Savage says, oral sex should come standard on all models. If yours doesn't, return him to the lot.
My guy used to not like it. This may have been too manipulative, but I just stopped giving him oral for a little while because he'd rarely give it to me. I told him it bothered me that he wouldn't go down on me very often, and it didn't take long before he went down on me for longer than usual, realized how good it made me feel, and now he says he actually enjoys it, and just "didn't realize" how much fun it can be for him, too. I'd suggest finding a new partner you're more sexually compatible with, not to mention who is more open minded about sex in general (can you imagine a lifetime with someone this narrow minded?) However, if you want to get him to change, maybe try not going down on him. If he asks you to, say no, and if he asks why, tell him that if he won't, you won't.
3I completely agreew with leb357. If you intend on staying with him then never, ever give him oral again. I am completely serious. He sounds totally sexually selfish to me, especially since you said that you basically cannot get off without receiving oral. It sounds like he really does not care whether you orgasm or not, and it is too much effort for him to even bother to try to satisfy you. There is no reason for you to feel guilty. Can you imagine marrying or having a future with a guy that is this selfish?! I have a friend who dumped a guy for this very reason. Honestly, there are tons of men out there that would truly enjoy giving you oral and ensuring you are sexually satisfied in every way possible. There are also girls out there that do not enjoy receiving oral.
4So, I say ditch this dud and find a stud!
Either accept him (and not give him any oral anymore) or find someone else who's more compatible sexually. Don't settle for something pretty important for you.
5But, just a suggestion, try finding out other ways to orgasm beside oral sex. Own your orgasm, girlie, don't give the control to the dude.
You need to ask why he hates it. Ask him to be blunt with you - is it a taste/odor issue? Do you need to trim? Does it not turn him on? Only once you know WHY can you solve the problem.
6If thats what it takes to get you off then it IS a big deal. I agree with leb, let him know how important it is to you and if he still refuses then "send him back to the lot." Sex is a very important part of a relationship and if your partner is not willing to put in the effort to satisfy you then find someone who will.
Good luck!
7I broke up with a guy over this - absolutely serious.
He told me that he just didn't like it. Even though I was clean and smelled fine, it still grossed him out. We had an entire conversation about it, and he eventually started to do it more often but he was so bad at it; even with my instructions, that I just gave up and told him that we weren't a right match for each other.
I could never be in a serious relationship with a guy who wouldn't go down on me. Grow up.
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