I'll start off by saying that I know it's wrong to sleep with someone that your best friend is into... however, this situation is kind of complicated. I'm not trying to justify it, I'm just trying to get an honest assessment of how badly I've screwed up, and if my friendship is going to cease because of it.
First of all, *Andrea* and I have been best friends for about four years. I love her to death, but she's one of those girls who has a new love interest every week. She sleeps with guys way too soon, and she's constantly being hurt and used by guys she thinks are into her. A little over a year ago, she met this guy *Ryan* at a party. They both hit it off, and she ended up having sex with him that night. When I saw her the next day, she confided in me that she thought he had a girlfriend, because while they were hooking up, she had seen all pictures of him and the same girl in frames all around his room. She confronted him about it the next day, and he admitted he did have a girlfriend, but they were having "problems" and he was trying to break up with her.
Well, needless to say, he didn't break up with her, but Andrea continued a sexual relationship with him anyway. It was so awkward, because Ryan's girlfriend would show up at a lot of the same parties as us, and Andrea would be all nice to her. The poor girl had no idea that her boyfriend had been cheating on her!
Well, about six months ago, Ryan and his girlfriend finally broke up. By that time, Andrea had already moved on to hooking up with Ryan's best friend *Sean*. She still liked Ryan, and would occasionally hook up with him, but she was really trying to get Sean to commit to her and try to make a relationship between the two of them work.
Throughout this year's worth of drama, I had been in a serious, monogamous relationship with a guy named *Tim*. Two months ago, Tim and I broke up, and I was beyond devastated. I hadn't hooked up with, kissed, or even LOOKED at another guy since the breakup. Then, last week, I went out to the bar with Andrea. We ended up running into Ryan and Sean. Sean and Andrea went off on their own and were making out, flirting, etc. So, I was left with no one to talk to but Ryan. Up until that point, I had never even really spoken to Ryan. I thought he was a creep for having cheated on his girlfriend, and had never had the desire to get to know him.
Well, the fact that I was lonely, heart-broken over my recent breakup, and drunk, pushed my negative views of Ryan out of my head, and we began flirting. Andrea ended up leaving the bar with Sean, and Ryan walked me home. Despite the fact that I knew in my heart at the time that it was wrong, I invited him inside, and we ended up having sex. It was terrible, unenjoyable, and I regretted it immediately.
I know that if Andrea found out, she would be livid with me, because I hooked up with a guy she has a past with (and still has some feelings for). I don't want to lose my friendship with her over this... so I don't know if I should tell her. Even though I know it was wrong, a part of me feels like it's none of her business since she went home with his best friend that night. I honestly don't want anything to do with Ryan. The sex was horrible and I'm not attracted to him at all... I just felt the need for male companionship that night.
Levi's
Diego Dolcini
Koah
I must be too old for this sh1t. I just don't see the joy of swapping sex partners or one-night-stands. In the past, there have been temptations but never crossed that line. Maybe it's also my paranoia that I might get STI from sleeping with people who have sex with possibly multiple partners at once.
Personally, I usually think, hey the dude is single, he's fair game. Then, I realize that, heck it's your...bff's crush and if I crossed that line, there'll be hell! More drama!
SO. You're this sweet gal, were loyal to your ex-bf, while your bff is supposedly promiscuous, cheater (with the Ryan situation) etc.
DOESN'T MATTER how much you've put down (believe it or not, it's IMPLIED in your post--heavily) your bff, you still committed the act.
SEX with your bff's crush.
Think about this, what if your bff, Andrea, decided to sleep with your EX-bf Tim? Tim is fair game, according to your theory (since he IS SINGLE) eh?
Will you be totally ok with Andrea, your bff sleeping with your Ex-Tim? Will you go over and tell them that you hope they have many more hooking-up since Tim was pretty good in bed?
Then in addition to those, your sex session with Ryan wasn't that pleasurable...? Oh man, at least if you're gonna do that your bff, at least the sex should be enjoyable so something kind of 'ok' can come out of that night.
Get over your 'fear' that your bff will dump you. Maybe you should be dumped, it seems like you have pretty low opinion about her anyway (half through reading your post, I thought that you don't like her), although you say you..love..her. Weird! And then you sleep with her crush, hmmm. X-tra weird.
If not you, Ryan will tell your best friend, believe it or not, guys like him more likely to do sh1t like that. So really.
At least if you tell her, there won't be future drama when she just slammed open the door of your bedroom and start screaming at you, confronting you about Ryan. Then the teary break down on your part, and her feeling all righteous and crap. Hey, she might even forgive you...EVENTUALLY (dunno, if it's gonna be months or years).
P.S. I always can't stand people with excuses (drunken, lonely, friend-is-slutty, etc) when they sleep with someone they shouldn't have to.
Oh you may want to get checked, in case Ryan gave you something unpleasant from your one night of hooking-up.
1I don't think you like Andrea, Ryan, or yourself very much. Think about it.
2I pretty much agree with hope and jazzy. I do think the fact that your friend was there, ran off to hook up with Ryan's friend and left the two of you together kind of does change it a bit though. I mean, for goodness sake, she was hooking up with his best friend, how upset could she be about him? So technically she shouldn't really be upset about it, b/c that's just kind of crazy, but in real life, I'm guessing she's probably still going to be pretty upset...so seeing how you know that this is real life and that she is probably going to be pretty upset...yeah you shouldn't have done it. None of us here can give you any good idea of whether your friendship will be ok or not. I just agree with the other posters, that you should evaluate whether you actually want this friendship or not. It doesn't sound like you really like the girl anyway. I think you should drop the girl, all the guys for now, and go work on your self esteem and getting your life where you want it to be. Then get friends that support that lifestyle you want and believe in.
3Don't worry about him being your friend's crush, worry about the fact that both you and your friend are easy. Doesn't matter that he's a scumbag, that didn't stop you from sleeping with him.
4You don't seem to like your friend very much by the way you're describing her and how you go out of your way to sleep with her 'ex-crush.' Maybe she's a frenemies? Hmmm. Doesn't matter, sounds toxic all around.
I'd not do that to a bff if it were me, no matter how promiscuous she is. Beside the fact that it's my bff, it's just kind of..icky, kinda reminds me of those shows 'Melrose Place' and 'Beverly Hills 90210' where everyone basically recycles partner. Maybe it's convenient too because it contains possible STI to a small group of people.
You may want to drop all these people, after all, you want to rise above them or you seem to think that you're 'above' them (but not really by the way you're behaving)...just work on yourself, self-esteem, etc.
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
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