okay, i have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. everything had been perfect and i was sure that he was the one for me, and he always said i was the one for him we were very much in love (i still am!). he has a very large family that i have become a part of, as my family is very broken and dysfunctional, i feel like they are my family. i am especially close with his older sister, who he is very close to also. So 5 months of the year every year he goes to work abroad skiing, making our relationship part-time long distance. The first time he went away it was very hard, but we managed to make it work which made us very strong and made us realise we were meant to be together... we spent the summer together, then it came around that he had to go again. We talked a lot about how it was going to work and how we could improve from the year before. I went to spend this xmas and new years with him, and things have gone downhill.. we had an amazing reunion and first couple of days together, then he started to act very distant. i thought it was because he was very tired and busy from work. Then last night, new years, we went out...everything was fine we were having a great time until we had an argument, then out of the blue he tells me he doesnt want to be with me anymore!
we talked for hours, and he said he'd been having doubts in the back of his mind about our relationship and my coming out for xmas and new years was his way of deciding what to do... he NEVER told me about this before he left and we talked a lot about where our relationship was going and we both wanted the same thing. we had so many plans together starting as soon as he came back home.... i feel devestated as i am very much in love with him and he turned around and said that he is not in-love with me anymore, and doesnt even fancy me anymore. i feel devestated... and lost... i'm in a foreign country, i can't speak the language, i can't get an earlier flight home and i'm here with him for another 4 days! i dont no what to do... and also i know that when i leave him i will likely not see him again.....which i cant BEAR... as we were supposed to go travelling together in the summer and follow the snow until we found somewhere to start our life together. i feel like ive been left with nothing. our future together is gone. and ive also lost a family as i was part of his. i feel so empty and alone.... how can i ever get over him?... and how can i survive these next 4 days with him knowing that he doesnt love me?..... his family are here for the next couple of days and i can't bear them knowing just yet, i'm still trying to deal with it... i dont know how i'm going to face them...i kind of want to pretend everythings okay for the next 4 days then when i leave that will be the end... is this childish? i dont know what to do!!!?? please help
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It's going to take time to get over him. Not to get you down when you are blue, but something makes me think there may have been another person (not that he was involved with her) but that he felt an attraction to her and didn't know what to do. People do squabble that's a nature of relationships, I don't know if you have a history together of fighting/argueing, but sometimes a guy can get tired of that and when you had this blow up he was like, well that's it.
If you can and you have the capablitiy, try and stay out of the house as much as you can, go window shopping, go to cafes, maybe to a library or something (although you did say it was a foreign language country), go to some movies. TO try and pass the time. And then although you had future plans, the future can always change, maybe take one of your girlfriends with you to travel or go traveling alone depending on the area you are going, and just focus on yourself for a while. Little by little, day by day, he'll be easier to forget about and those feelings won't hurt anymore.
1yeah, njau is right. It's going to take more than a few hours or days to get over him after almost 2 years
I'm really sorry about your situation, getting stuck there for another...4 days (hopefully it's nearing to 3 now). The hard part about your situation is, usually people notice immediately when something is 'different' or if the bf/gf is getting distant or having doubt about about the relationship, but since your relationship is part-long distance, it may be harder to sense this thing.
Did he invite you to come up and join him? If so, I feel like socking one on him although I don't condone violence, btw. Tsk.
I suppose, you can always try..retail therapy after a good session or two of crying (yeah, I do endorse crying especially to just 'cleanse' out the sadness in the beginning especially). Window shopping is good too to pass time during the day, hang out at nearby cafes, indulge in good food and just the excitement of new year, I suppose.
I hope you're doing ok.
2thank you for ure advice... thankfully i got an earlier flight home... but we talked for 2 days straight about everything, he does still love me...just not enough to carry on with the relationship. i am devastated i just love him so very much. and now im back home i wont see him for 4 months!! i just dont no how to deal with this!! njau- it definetly wasn't somebody else, of this i am sure.
he told me his love for me just started to fade bit by bit...until it had dissapeared. . . he thought that missing me was still loving me which is why he still wanted me to come and visit... but unfortunately he soon realised he didnt love me in that way anymore. he is such a good person and we've talked it through and want to remain close friends, as we had a happy amazing relationship and have so many good memories. also i was the love of his life, and he was mine... so we can never really let eachother go. i feel happier that i havent completely lost him as we are still in contact....i'm just praying it will work out tho, i couldnt lose him as a friend too. i just dont know how i'm suppose to 'get over' him. i just love him with all of my heart, and even tho he's hurt me i can't even hate him..because he;s such a good person and i love him so very much... i just feel completely broken, but at the same time hopeful because he will still be in my life as a friend... i just want this to work more than anything... but first i need to get over him... i just dont know if i can! is it possible to stay friends? it wasn;t a bitter end?
3Cinderella, I would definitely recommend that you TRY to get over him before you continue a good friendship with him. I dated a guy for 2 and a half years, but we went to different colleges, so, like you, it was a part-time long-distance relationship. When we broke up it was pretty much for the same reasons that your boyfriend listed: "I just feel like my love has faded" "I don't want to hurt you by the distance this realization has caused me to exhibit between us" "you deserve so much better than that" "I think there is someone better out there for the both of us". We agreed to be friends, and I left it up to him to contact me (and told him so). Here we are four months after and there has been no attempt by him to contact me. And I just found out via facebook (dreaded thing) that he is hanging out (affectionately) with the ex he dated before me, as of New Years. Even though at first I was upset he had not contacted me yet, I now realize that it was only because I still love him, not because I wanted to be his friend. Those pictures I saw of him and his ex stirred an anger inside of me, and now I realize I'm still not ready to talk to him. Just be careful. I understand how you feel, but sometimes it's best to cut him off... for a long time. Maybe in close to a year you could try to foster a good relationship with him (as I have done with one of my other exes successfully). It's possible! Chin up! And also, don't be afraid to get a couple good cries out. I recommend renting a favorite TV show from Blockbuster and dedicating a whole day to things that you LOVE (besides him). Let your friends keep you busy.
4I have mentioned this before, but I will do it again, since I am in a similar situation...until you can see him with another woman and be HONESTLY happy for him that he has found someone else, you will be unable to be friends. It will just hurt too much, and will stall any effort you make to get over him romantically. Seriously, you need to be honest with yourself about this, picture him with another woman in your head and gauge your reaction.
Agree with soapybub..NO contact at all and avoid these social networking sites where you can see what he's up to and who with. I don't have a Facebook or Myspace page, and if only for this reason, I am glad that I don't.
I recommend the book It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken.... much wisdom there, and a great read.
Good Luck...I feel for you.
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