Recently, I asked this guy I was hooking up with (late night booty calls of that sort) to be my date for New Year's Eve. I asked him, without any intention of making our situation any more serious (there would be no way I could ever date-date him), I just needed a date for a NYE party I'm supposed to attend. He agreed, and we were supposed to figure out the details together, and now he won't even return my calls. My friends told me I broke the cardinal rules of booty calls, but honestly, I just needed a date, and all my back-up platonic guy friends I could take weren't available.
I'm feeling rejected and hurt, and I think it adds to the feelings of loneliness I've been feeling since all of my close friends are in really close relationships with their significant others. How do I get past this? It's not that I necessarily liked him or had strong feelings for him, but it makes me feel like inadequate and seems to emphasize that I'll always be alone.
It was fun, having a casual relationship, I had gotten out of a long-term relationship over the summer, but now I think I'm feeling lonely b/c I've been hooking up with him and one of my guy friends in strictly the most physical sense - no emotional complications involved. But now, I think with the holidays, and my friends being in great relationships, I'm starting to feel alone and not good enough for anyone.
He left one of his sweaters with me, and I'd like to return it to him, and sorta confront him b/c I think him being like this totally ruined what could've been a fun casual friendship with benefits situation. I still don't want a serious relationship, and I didn't want him to think that's what I was trying to get at by asking him to this thing. Is that a good idea? Or should I just give it to Goodwill and bid him good riddance?
How do I get past feeling rejected and that I'm not good enough?
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melissa
You need to be honest with yourself. You want to be in a loving relationship with someone who likes you for who you are - not just your nether regions. Stop giving yourself up to a guy who only wants booty calls. Have some respect for yourself and I think you'll find your problems start to go away.
1You need to be not only honest with yourself, but you need to respect yourself from this day fourth, first and foremost. Forget this disrespect man and show how strong you are by ignoring him too.
You keep talking about your friends being in long term relationships that were not just nightly sex calls. Clearly you want one of those relationships too and you are not going to get it from him.
Wherever it is that you’re going to find men, stop going there! Find decent places to go where there are surely decent men that don’t know your reputation. And I assure you....this man that you were only having sex with, has told plenty of people about how you were a joke and were only his booty call. He has probably told the same people about how you asked him out on a serious New Years date and now you’re completely laughable to him and his ignoring you.
Why deal with someone like this man when you don’t have too?
2As I said, find different places to go in order to find more respectful men. It’s not going to kill you if you don’t have a date for New Years. Start now by respecting yourself and maybe you’ll have a boyfriend/date for next New Years.
If you show too everyone that you now respect yourself mentally and physically, then anyone that approaches you will respect you too. If they don’t then immediately dismiss them and don’t think about them any further.
Respect yourself don’t repress yourself or feel depressed anymore. He’s clearly not depressed over you and never will be.
3This was not at all about you. If a man doesnt know how to be a man...it isn't your fault. Ignore him and consider you dodged a bullet, my dear. You would have had a horrible time..and it is good to know that now instead of on your holiday.
4Just remember something... Men do not have one thing...NOTHING that they did not get froma woman. On every level this man is indebted to you. YOU are beautiful. HE is an idiot!
I agree with Luisa. Consider it a blessing now that this man is gone from your life. Perhaps now you can find one who truly fufills you in every way. As for whether you want to confront him or not, that is up to you. But I think it will not be a rewarding experience for you to do so. Good luck to you.
5The best thing you can do is rise above this. Do not contact this guy again and do not confront him, because then you'll be the "crazy girl" that he used to get busy with. I know you feel like ripping his head off, but trust me, you'll feel much worse and he'll have fodder to use against you. Go cold turkey on this guy and you'll get over this much more quickly. Then go out and have your own fun.
As for the sweater, if you have a mutual friend, get your friend to give it to him. Giving it back shows you're a classy lady, and getting your friend to give it back shows that you value yourself. Don't give him a note or a message along with the sweater. Make it like it's not a big deal. Get the sweater to your mutual friend as quickly as possible because you want that thing out of the house.
I know it sucks to be alone sometimes. Ask your friends what they miss most about being single and maybe that'll make you feel better. A lot of them have to do things that you don't have to do because you're single. For instance, you probably have complete control over your own time and finances, whereas they don't. I think you need sometime alone after your last relationship to work on yourself and get your confidence up. I took a ballet for beginners class and wound up loving it. It was just once a week, but it made a big difference. That happiness made the rest of my life happier. Look out for positive things in the world. When you find yourself enjoying something, really take the time to enjoy it. Even something simple like a hot chocolate from Starbucks, or the smell of fresh baked bread at the bakery. This sounds lame, I know, but just try it and keep doing it and soon you'll see that there is more in life than jerk guys. Eventually you will meet someone and things will work and it will be easy. Just be patient and look after yourself.
6Give it to goodwill and bid him good riddance! You did break the rule of booty calls and you can't blame the guy for getting spooked!
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