I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, and our relationship has long past the point of that initial infatuation.
We've been a bit off on and on for the past few months largely because of a lot of communication issues that we have been trying to work out. I thought things were going great lately until a few days ago, on our 6 month anniversary in fact, he called and said that he wanted to talk later that day. I went over to his house, expecting him to break up with me. Instead, he gave me my Christmas/anniversary present & said that it was "bad time to talk". Understandably (I hope), I was upset & insisted that he tell me what was going on. The gist of it was that he "wasn't sure what he wanted" and that "the spark was gone" and that "he wasn't sure if he wanted to marry me, and that's what dating is for". He's still "incredibly attracted" to me, but he just doesn't know if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He insisted that no matter what, he still wanted to remain friends because I'm "his best friend". I asked him if that meant he wanted to break up with me, and he couldn't give me a straight answer.
I went three days without hearing anything from him, until yesterday he called & asked if I wanted to come over & watch a movie because he wanted to "know what I thought of it". I did, thinking that it was a "just friends" thing, but one thing led to another and I ended up staying at his house & having sex with him.
Confused, I asked him what he wanted & he said that he wanted to give it another few weeks & see what happens. But I'm not sure what to do. My girlfriends think I should leave him & when he figures out what he wants, he can call me. But I don't want to lose him & I'm afraid that if I do so, I'm going to ruin whatever we have. What do you think?
John Frieda
Ash
Nike
You need to walk away and tell him to call when he's figured out what he wants. And if he's lucky, you'll still be single.
Walking away can't "ruin" a doomed relationship. It'll just help you save a little dignity and move on. I remember reading that March is the most common month for break-ups because no one wants to do it during the holiday season or right before Valentine's Day. Your boyfriend wants to break up with you, he's just trying to feel better about himself by not doing it on Christmas.
Stop calling him, stop answering the phone, stop seeing him. If he's serious he'll prove it to you.
1Whoa! The same exact thing happened to me like 5 years ago!!!
2He's done, sweetheart. I made it easy for my ex though by breaking it off with him 2 days after we had the same exact conversation and it was during X-mas time too!
I was also blindsided because I thought everything was a-ok.
The only difference between you and me is that it's easier for me to leave because I didn't have sex after he told me the same exact thing your bf told you. Plus, like luisa said, I was way too prideful.
Do exactly what luisa said, tell him to call you when he's figured out what he wants, and that you're not going to settle being a sex buddy with him. If he's lucky, you'll still be single by that time.
I agree with both comments above. Couldn't have said it any better.
3Very much agreed. Your girlfriends are right. Walk away, focus on yourself, and let him figure things out. It's hard doing so as you'll have a thread attached to him, but I'd say, don't bother holding out. You can still be around but don't expect anything. Be mindful of the games he's playing with you.
4Stop sleeping with him, stop hanging out with him, stop talking to him. Try to move on. I agree with everything Luisa has said. If he truly deserves you, let him prove it to you. If he doesn't then he does not deserve to be with you, and you guys just weren't meant to be. Good luck and maintain your pride and dignity.
5Agree with all. It bugs me that he wants "a few weeks". Huh? A few weeks to screw around and if there is nothing better, then there you will be on the back burner? Please don't put yourself in this situation.
Your girlfriends are right.He needs to figure out what he wants and in the meantime, you should date others. You may meet someone else who is great, and then whether your ex calls you back or not, it won't matter to you.
You say that you don't want to lose him, but I'm sorry, he has already made that choice for you...you don't get to make it. Cut off communication, take the control of your feelings back from him, and move on.
6if after 6 months you're already having these problems then you can basically guarantee this relationship wont last. Leave now before you get more attached and therefore get hurt worse.
7Hey there DONT FRET! This in my opinion is a natural progression stage. This is men we are talking about! They get this way and get all freaked out and dissappear and distance themselves. So here's what you do! Give him some space, DO NOT hound him the last thing he wants to hear is "whats going on" how do you feel about me? DO NOT get all emotional bla bla blah. Men like rational confident strong women. What would you do if you were not sure about someone and they started calling and analysing and pushing! YUK you would run the other way! Start gettin busy do other things and just be yourself. Dont jump at his beckon call. Dont make it too easy for him but DO definitely show you are interested. Let him initiate the contact. Men are hunters and they need to hunt you down! He will figure it out. I would not leave so easy. This is a typical man transition stage. You guys will either get really close as a result or more distant. TRUST ME! IT WORKS! IGNORE HIM FOR AWHILE!!!
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