My fiance just came back for Christmas break, he is in the military. On the day he was coming and before he had arrived, I was talking to his mom. While talking she mentioned a dinner she was going to have the following weekend, and she said she wanted him to go with her and she also said "that's if he is available". That made me feel horrible, because it seemed as if she was trying to say that I always have to be with him or something, it seemed like that specially because of the way she said it. On the following day he went to my house and before his mom was going to get out of work we went back to his house. While there she was upset because he wasn't there when she came for lunch. And she did not even say hi to me at all. And yesterday he was telling her that Monday is going to be just our day, no one else. A day out to town were we can connect with each other again, and actually be able to talk with out interruptions. But she said, "then I'm going ask for Monday off, so that can be our day instead". Is not like she doesn't spent time with him, she just went shopping with him the whole day, and attended the dinner with him too. I'm not saying she has a limited amount of time, but that she needs to understand all we want is one day alone. Being in a long distance relationship is already hard enough, and I was just about to give up and not go see him every day while he is here, but he is the one that insist that I go over. Obviously he doesn't see it the way I do, because after all she is his mother, I respect her for that and I would never insult her in anyway. I love her son way to much, I guess I'll just have to look the other away. I really want to enjoy the little time he is going to be here, but I can't help to feel uncomfortable. I tried to get his mom to like me, but it seems as if she is jealous. He gives me a hug, she wants a hug too, I feel like if she is trying to compete against me, and it shouldn't be like that, she is the mom and I'm the fiancee. In other occasions I have tried to look the other way, but I don't know if that's going to be enough this time. Please some advice, do I tell him or would that be a mistake?
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I don't see why you can't tell him how you feel, just watch how you say it. Don't be critical about it or don't be super critical about her, just tell him what's going on and how it makes you feel. If he's sincere enough and cares enough he will try to understand. You shouldn't be feeling like this at all, but it's partly normal for mothers to act like this at times. Frankly, it's annoying, many of them haven't learned how to cut the umbilical chord and realize that even though they'll always be your "baby" they're grown now. Being like this isn't really respecting him or you. Sometimes parents don't realize or want to accept that this their child has chosen to be with someone, it's their life and theirs to make whatever mistakes. Parents had their share of mistakes, children need to make theirs as well (while learning from their parents' mistakes).
1And by that last line, I don't mean that choosing a spouse is a mistake, not at all, it's just that parents seem to think it's their right to choose and control their childrens' rights. While yes, they are looking out for you, it's still not their lives, it's their childrens' lives, choices and happiness. After awhile they have to let go. It seems that his mother hasn't learned to let go yet. I suggest you express this to him, because it's not fair for you to go through this or for you to even bottle it up, it'll eat you up and put a strain on the relationship, especially when you get married, it can't continue. Especially if you have children too. It has to stop sometime.
2I wouldn't assume that she doesn't like you. But yes, it does sound to me that she has an unnatural attachment to her son. Is he a momma's boy? It sounds like it. But on the other hand, he is willing to stick up to her and tell her that you two need a day alone. If it is too late and he already has decided to spend the day with her because she asked for the day off, then give her that. But take tomorrow as your day just for the 2 of you. Tell your guy that you really need a day alone with him, and you are confused about why, after he told her that, that she would ask to spend that day with him. Tell him that you are feeling a bit confused about her behaviour, and you feel like she doesn't like you. Then, it is up to him to stick up to her so that you 2 can have your time together. I agree wtih everything GScott86 has said. Good luck.
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