Basically, you are in love with him, but were in a friends with benefits situation. Those situations rarely work, because invariably someone develops feelings and expectations.

This lucky guy is sitting in the catbird seat. He can date and sleep with whoever he wants, with your "permission", yet still gets you to be the daily buddy who can take care of him and talk about his hard day, and yes, to sleep with him when the action slows. I can certainly see why he likes this arrangement while he keeps looking.

I know how hard it is to watch someone you love date other people, yet still want to be in his life. I have been there, and for me, it was just too painful. You think, what if I let go, and he forgets me? Unfortunately, what is in his head is out of your control. In the meantime, life is passing you by while he figures out what HE wants. Years can pass in these situations, and he may marry someone else, and where will you be? His great buddy.

If you are willing to deal with the constant hurt of him dating others, you have made your decision. I understand you saying you want to stay and fight, but what are you fighting? As I see it, he is not "fighting" for you. I see you making alot of excuses for his behavior, his long marriage, his need to shop around, etc.

I personally would take some time apart, as difficult as it may be, because you are going to have to accept the fact that he may never see you as a lifelong romantic partner. I think he needs to see what his life is without you, and then you will know..like they say, if he comes back, he's yours, if he doesn't, it wasn't meant to be.

Good luck...I've been there and it is not easy.

You need to give him an ultimatum. Sit down and have a serious talk about him. Ask him what this really is, if he wants you or not. If he wants you in his life for the long run or not. This isn't fair to you at all. He's dragging you along at this point and just mind screwing with you. In a way I imagine at this point you feel used. You're completely in love with him, putting yourself out there, and in the mean time he's whining and saying how he's confused and doesn't know what he wants. Either you two have a connection and he runs with it, or not. Frankly at this point he's going to be searching forever for "the one" technically, well I don't really totally believe there is such thing as "the one" you have a connection with someone, and you run with it and make it happen or not. This can't continue or it'll eat you up inside. You put yourself out there, and he's dating and seeing other women (hopefully not having sex with everyone else, then bringing it back to you). I'm sure to you hearing of his adventures isn't satisfying to listen to. Yes yes, there's that whole "we're best friends first" but really, once you've become involved with someone, that friends line has been welded with the lovers line. You can't just erase the past, and you can't just pretend just because you're not "together" that you're not together. You two technically are still together and he needs to respect your feelings, as he's not doing that at the moment. I wouldn't even want to be friends with someone like that (and I say that from experience, as I'm going through almost the same thing). Mind games are not funny or fun.

I'd cut off communication. And as mean as it sound, letting him go believing that he will come back to you complete is selfish and gave you false hope. You are still holding onto that dream when he has definately made it known that he's not sure about you. With another women in the picture, I would not be up for that, that would be my deal breaker. Delete him off the phone and try your darnest to not pick up the phone, respond to him in anyway. If you see him in the streets and he approaches you, say you have like a meeting to go to or you are meeting a new friend. He's not allowed to play with your emotions like this.

It's not mind games, you ex is keen on the arrangement because he's got the BEST of everything. Lucky dude, no wonder he's staying around!

Since you don't want the 'Let it go' option which is the best option, you'll either have to give him an ultimatum to choose 'yes' to a real relationship or 'no.' Or you can always keep on going what you're doing, but of course, you'll be feeling the way you're feeling right now, and be unfulfilled until the day he decided to be exclusive with one of his other women, and break the arrangement with you.

Oh, you may want to get a check up at your doc just in case he's not being careful and you may get STI out of this arrangement.

Show his ass the door.

This guy is using you as his Plan B. He'll settle for you as long as no one better comes along. You deserve more than that. Don't let him treat you this way any more.

The only way that you will ever be able to get over him is if you walk away. If you stay, I forsee a lot more hurt and deep pain for you. Don't allow him to do this to you. He is using you, he does not think that you are the one. That means that he does not see a future with you, but he likes you enough to keep you around as a friend/f*ck buddy. Why are you allowing him to use you? Why would you even want to build a future with a man that has zero respect for you? Staying friend with him will just cause you tons more pain. The only thing you can do for yourself is gather up your self-respect, and cut him out of your life. COMPletely. That means no contact, nothing. Distract yourself in any way you possibly can. If things were truly meant to be between you 2, he would want the same things that you do. Well, he doesn't. I know that you don't want to hear this, but you really need to move on. Good luck to you and find someone that you wants you just as badly as you want them.

I also wanted to comment that I am not sure if you have kids or you wants kids, but if you do want to have kids, you are running out of time. You are 34 years old now. Why waste more of your life on a man who doesn't want you???? The sooner that you end this, the more chance of you finding a man that wants everything that you want, and the more chance that you will still be able to have children (if you want them). Good luck

I hope that you are doing ok since you posted this. I am currently going through the same thing and have been for about 5 months. Its taking all the life out of me. Please update me on how you've gotten through this and what has and hasn't worked for you. It's definitely not an easy time. I'm either on cloud nine thinking we are getting back together or deeply depressed. I can't take the roller coaster anymore and need some healthy advice on how to get through this. I know I need to cut all ties but he's my main source of support.

You really just got to try live life with out him. As much as it hurts, it's for the best. Although as women we always want the romantic story that they will come back to us, but 9/10 times that doesn't happen. From personal experience, one of my earlier relationships was sort of like yours, hot'n'heavy and then it became "too much" for him - serious wise - and was like I just got to be single, but let's see about the future. To this day, he has been dating the same girl he met like 2 months after we broke up and it's been 6 years. Luckily I have moved on from my life with him.

Secondly, this just happened to me but I was in a 3 year relationship where the guy once again I guess got cold feet and needed to "start dating" around to make sure I was the one, me being the "it's been 3 years, this is all I know, you are my bestfriend and my support" we kept communication and were trying to be honest about things. However, he wasn't and was already dating and sleeping around within 3 weeks of our break up (I know we were broken up but really 3 wk? from a 3 month relationship? Talk about hurt!) So when I found out, and this is what you have to do, you just got to say sternly "Stay out of my life" when I'm done being hurt and have come back into my own, maybe yeah then we can talk again and have a very small friendly relationship with no benefits whatsoever. Some guys will not realize you are what they need until you are completely out of their life and really being independent and not hanging on their every word.

Not to have this story all depressed, but my best friend had an off-on relationship with this guy for several years, during our school it was an "off" time and she was not talking to him, it took the guy three years but he realized how much she was to him and now they are engaged and are going to get married really soon. Please understand this is rare and doesn't happen all the time, helz it happened to be the wrong way for me twice!

During your hurting time, really just take to calling all your friends regardless of when the last time you talked to them. This is what I did, and really who cares about maybe a little higher phone bill this month while you are dealing with things, but if you don't have your support you will still cling onto him. That's how I was until I started just opening up to people and really letting the truth out about the situation I was able to really realize if a guy doesn't want me now, there is no way that I'm waiting around for him to decide if "I'm the one", I'm going to find another one that wants me exactly in the way I want, if that makes sense.

Time heals all wounds and talking it out makes it a lot easier, trust me on that one.