My boyfriend and I have been together for five years, and for the most part it's been great. We fell in love really quick and we were inseparable, making plans to move in to a house and get married and start a family.
Then, a couple years ago, he moved to a different city and we had a long distance relationship. It was really hard on us and our relationship suffered because of it. He started lying to me about a lot of things and treating me poorly. He told me it was the strain of a long distance relationship that caused him to act this way and I believed him. As soon as I could, I moved in , and now we've been living together for awhile. Up until a few months ago it was good, and I felt like I had made the right decision to move in and help our relationship by being able to see each other more often and spend more time together, hopefully bringing us closer. But things changed. Lately we are fighting almost every day about really silly things that aren't even worth arguing about. He causes all of the fights and picks on me all the time to make me mad. Our sex life is almost non existent, it happens even less than when we only saw each other a few times a month! He doesn't seem to be very happy with me living here and I don't think I am either. So, I'm wondering, should I talk to him and try to stick it out and give this more time, or should I cut my losses and figure I made the wrong decision and learn from this and move on?
Should I try to make it work?
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Karen Millen
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Aminaka Wilmont
Sounds like you know what to do. I don't know what kind of relationship you two have, but at least try to work it out. While doing that, if you haven't already figure out a clean exit strategy.
1It seems like maybe before you were living together, you built up the image of this ideal life with him in your mind. Now that you are actually living together you realize it wasn't what you pictured in your mind. If you are unhappy, you should talk to him to see where you both stand. If he's treating you poorly and blamed it on the long-distance thing, that's wrong. If talking about it resolves nothing, then maybe you should think about what you want. You shouldn't put yourself through misery simply because you thought it would be amazing and now it's not.
2Let's see....he started lying to you and treating you poorly BEFORE you moved in, and now he is picking fights with you. Neither of you are happy living together. Your words.
He wants to end this relationship, but doesn't have the guts to just say it. Instead he is doing Classic Guy Move #37: Make you so miserable that you break up with him, which is the end result that he wants anyway without having to be the "bad guy". The ironic thing is that this behavior is so much worse than being honest and upfront, treating you with respect and just telling you that the situation isn't working. It always amazes me how men don't get this.
Move out and move on.
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