I was dating my boyfriend for about six months. Things were going really good between us and then all of the sudden he decided he didnt want a relationship. He broke up with me, saying he just wasnt ready for it. It really hurt me because it, literally, came out of nowhere. We didnt talk for a week and then just as suddenly he started calling me again. He said he made a huge mistake and pretty much begged me to take him back. He told me that he loved me and he was just too scared to tell me because he didnt know if I felt the same (Up until that point we had never told each other that we love eachother). We talked for a long time and there was lot said.(basically him saying that he was an idiot and that he promises he will never leave me again) I ultimately decided that I would try to forgive him and we got back together.But now that we are back together, I am having a really hard time forgiving him. Im always afriad that if I do something that he doesnt like he will change his mind again. Or even if I dont do anything, he might change his mind. I guess my question is, how do I get passed this? Is it normal for guys to freak out like that when they realize that they love someone? Is it really possible for someone to go from telling you that they dont want to be with you, to telling you that they want to spend their life with you in only a week? I really do love him and I want it to work, I just dont know if I will ever feel secure in the relationship again and I can't be in a relationship if I'm always going to be worried that hes going to leave.
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Huh? Is he somehow..bipolar or have some issues he's working on that you're not letting on in this post?
I dunno. I mean, I've dated a tons, and those who loved me/fell in love with me never really had problems admitting them (although eventually things didn't work out) and didn't freak out over falling in love with me. But that's just me. I just don't understand your bf. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that, based on my experience, when a boy is in love with you (passionately), he'd want to be with you, make exclusive commitment to you for the future...not..run away from you. The 'I love you so I'm going to break up with you and then realize it's a mistake' sounds like a movie plot, but in real life, it's just unusual, imo.
Then again, it may be that we've dated different type of men.
How do you get over it? I don't quite know, I suppose look at his action NOW and in the future. To be honest, even people most in love sometimes don't work out and there's ALWAYS the possibility that the other person leaving you behind. Nothing is 100% in a relationship, honey. You just have to accept that bitter pill. Just always have hope, I guess that he won't leave you holding the basket when times get tough.
1If you love your bf and he supposedly loves you and is making it up for you, I suppose give it a little bit of a chance and see where it goes.
First of all, get the truth as to why he broke up with you. As painful as it may be, you need to know. Did he do it so he could sleep with someone else and technically not be in trouble? Did he hear a rumor about you that he later learned wasn't true? You need to know.
Secondly, realize that YOU have the upper hand in this relationship. He left and begged to come back - so why you're worried I don't know. You may not be able to jump back in to exactly how you used to be - that will take time. But it can happen. Be patient and communicate.
2As Luisa insinuated, he didnt freak out because he realized he was in love with you but wasnt sure if you felt the same.. unfortunately, it doenst work like that. It's always much more simple then that. He probably met some chick he wanted to sleep with but couldnt decide whether he wanted her or you so he broke up with you and then within that week got shot down by her so he came running back to you. Something is missing in this story and none of it is your fault.
A relationship is based on trust and he has messed it up. He either needs to come clean so you can work through the issues together or you need to move on and find someone who isnt tainted.
good luck
3trust is really hard to gain back but it may be worth it. you have to try if you feel that strongly about him but be wary and make sure that you are watching all the signs. get out of the situation if anything makes you uncomfortable. hope it works out
4Listen. I was engaged for a while, and my then fiance told me that it was a "good idea at the time, but now it is not". Needless to say my relationship backtracked. I was very upset, but at least we were still together. One night, after talking to his boss, my boyfriend decided that he "didn't love me anymore", and wanted to break up. We lived together. A week after that, he told me he wanted to be my boyfriend, but he wasn't sure he loved me. A week later, he loved me again. When he told me he didn't...wow, I could cry thinking about it. I was heartbroken. His boss has this influence over him, and basically if he has something bad to say about his wife that day, my boyfriend starts to feel bad about me, and all that other kind of stupid bullsh*t men do. My boyfriend loved me when he said he didn't, he just gets emo, and likes to throw himself a pity party ALL the time.
Anyway, I don't think I will ever trust him fully again. How can you decide one day that you don't want to be engaged -- and then talk about how you can't see yourself asking again? How can you tell someone after 2 years you don't love them, but really do, because your boss has way too much influence over you? He destroyed my trust. Completely.
I knew he wasn't trying to sleep around, and we spent all the time together. For you, I don't know. I won't pretend to know.
It will be hard to trust him again, and if you think it is worth it, then try.
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