I am in my early 20s and I have a great job.
But here is the catch I am crazy about the director of my department (He is 42, divorced and has two kids, but so hot). We became really good friends a while ago, when I had quit my job to explore other possibilities. We met up during that time for lunches, and drinks on and off. And while we were not together we used to email each other or text each other. Just one line emails about nothing at all, or random texts. I used to get an email or a text from him every five minutes, unless he was in a meeting or I was stuck in one.
But now I am back in the same company and I have him as my Bosses Boss. We are still awesome friends and we always take our coffee breaks together, we text each other all day (as we can’t use email, or we will get in trouble).
He made it clear during our first meeting that he was never looking for a relationship. He just wanted to have fun, and I was comfortable with it, as he is a great guy. And a part of me always hoped he might change his mind ...
But now he just started dating another woman. And I can’t help but wonder, why her and not me? (She is 43, director of a women's organization)
I know more about his life that anyone else right now. We talk about everything, his kids, our work, his new relationship. I know his schedule for each and everyday.
Am I being stupid running after a man who is way too old for me? Or can a relationship still exist between two people no matter what the age?
Should I still pursue him, even though he is my boss and has another woman or should I just try to move on?
Should I just move on?
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Roksanda Ilincic
You're in your early 20s. He likely sees you as more of a daughter than a potential date - as any man his age should!! And as evidenced by the fact that he's never asked you out.
Clearly you grew up without a solid father figure in your life - don't make the mistake of seeking one out in your dating life. Get some counseling if you must, but stick to men your own age.
1I say cut your losses. Unless you really want to get involved with a man that old with kids and who is ready to settle down. Other than that, I'd rather not get int he middle of a potential disciplinary action or sexual harassment suite. In my opinion...bosses dating subordinates causes a little bit of a problem int he workplace. He said he wasn't looking for a relationship and just wanted to have fun. Just be lucky it didn't go any further and hurt you more than he did. He probably wasn't looking for anything further with YOU. Don't sit around saying "why not me." There are plenty of guys out there that would love to treat you like their princess. You should really just move on from him.
2From experience I learned early on that it's always good to listen and really hear what a person says at the very beginning of a relationship as that is when they are most honest. And although this interaction is disappointing for you now, please see it as a really good life lesson because now as you move forward, you will learn from this situation and hopefully not repeat the same mistake. Please know, that although painful, we grow most from most difficult challenges we face.
This guy is not a bad man. There's just someone who is going to be a much better fit for you and once you meet him, you'll look back and be happy that you didn't waste anymore time and energy on a relationship that wasn't a fit.
So, hold your head high and keep your eyes and ears open for someone who is more in alignment with who you are and what you are looking for and good luck!
3Well, I say you dont have to move on if you dont want to, and it has nothing to do with y'alls age difference.
But I think he is mean for telling you he didnt want a relationship, and then going and dating another woman. Whatever!
The last time a guy did that to me, he ended up getting the girl he was dating knocked up and now they're married. Whatever!
Why do people make excuses when they should just tell the truth. They just look stupid when the go back on their word.
4He didn't make excuses - he said he didn't want a relationship with HER. Why she chose not to hear that, I don't know.
5Dear OP, he doesn't want a relationship with YOU.
Therefore he ended up dating another woman who's older and working at another place (according to you). Age MAY BE a problem, but who really knows what the real deal is.
Also think about possible troubles with your work by your pursuing your boss, dating in the workplace is a big no-no, especially when one of them if the other's boss.
SO PLEASE MOVE ON, DATE OTHER MEN. You're young and you have this awesome career ahead of you. Also keep a friendly relationship with your boss, y'know what, you may need him to network in the future of your career. DON'T BURN BRIDGES too.
Good luck.
6I think it's much harder to see the situation clearly when you're in it. But this speaks to me loud and clear. No, you should NOT pursue him, even though he is your boss and has another woman. You should not pursue him ESPECIALLY because he obviously is not that into you. You have fun with him and he enjoys it, but he doesn't want a relationship with you. It may be cruel to hear, but it looks true. He has gone and found someone his own age. A relationship CAN exist between two people despite age differences, but obviously not between you and him.
There are just too too many reasons for you to not get involved with this guy. He's your boss, he's got two kids, he's 20 years older, he's GOT ANOTHER WOMAN, he's still flirting with you despite his new girlfriend so he's probably a CHEATER, and he's told you that he's not looking for a relationship (READ: with you).
He's pretty much told you he doesn't want you. I noticed that you said you're "crazy about" him rather than "in love with" him, for which I am glad. Pull yourself together and get over him, like I'm sure a little voice in the back of your mind is tell you to do.
Protect your heart until you find someone who can do it better than you.
7nooo you should NOT go after him! He already made it VERY clear what he wanted.. 'fun'.. that's it and that's all you are to him.. you are not on his level and now he seeing someone who is.. so leave it alone and move on.. you should NEVER get involved with someone you work with!
8"42, divorced, 2 kids, but so hot"
SO NOT WORTH IT! Ive dated guys with kids and baby mommas before and it is REALLY hard. Thats alot of baggage for a young girl in her early 20s (im 24, myself) I think a relationship can exsist between 2 people no matter what the age, but thats not really the issue here, is it? I think he has made it pretty clear that he is not interested in you as far as a relationship goes. Let it go, move on.
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