Dating each other for almost 4 years, college sweethearts. Couldn't get enough of each other first 2 years then slowly went into nesting/comfortable mode. Now i'm off the pill bc i forgot to refill for the month and have only had sex twice this month with condoms! (Before when we began dating it used to be at least 6 times a week now i'm lucky if i get it twice a week!) And he doesn't like buying condoms bc he doesn't like bringing it to the register and I'm upset bc i believe the 'guy' should buy the condoms and buying it would reaffirm that he wants to do it with me. Sex life is dragging and I don't masturbate (i really don't) so I can't find my O friend unless I'm with him. And when we have sex it's great! So why the lag? And why is he so upset when I ask him to get condoms or ask for more sex? He gets really defensive. I'm feeling really unwanted now. I also get upset bc in order to get the pill i had to go to the gynecologist and pharmacy, which i think is more embarrassing than just bringing condoms to the register. Also,sometimes when we're together he insists on me giving him BJ but I'm like "Why do i want to give you that when I'm not getting any? With sex it's win win! come on!" So then we settle on nothing except cuddles...cuddles are nice but still I want a more active sex life.
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I think it's weird that he wont buy condoms! Most guys don't mind advertising to the cashier that they're "gettin' some"!! If he wont go into the store to buy them, what about at least getting him to pay for them? Just say, hey baby, can you chip in a $10, I've gotta go pick up some more condoms. Be honest with him about how much sex you would prefer to have and see if you can come to some kind of a compromise. Maybe he's tired after a long days work and just wants it a few days a week? Lots of couples deal with unequal sex-drives, so I think your issue is pretty common, it's also normal to have less sex when you've been in a relationship for a long time. Just try to be patient with each other and I'm sure you can work out something that works for both of you.
1what concerns me most is that you're both embarassed to protect yourselves either by going to the gyno to get your pills or to the pharmacy to buy condoms . . .
as far as wanting more sex, i agree with grl in the world, just tell him how you feel! communication is key
2yeah, i think it's pretty strange that you are college sweethearts and still not comfortable seeing a gyno or buying condoms. what's up with that? you should be over that by now! it's never a picnic having to do these things, but its definitely necessary and not something that should be viewed with shame or embarrassment if you've been together for so long.
and yes, communication is key! but don't be accusatory, try using open-ended questions like "What do you think is going on with us now? How do you think we can resolve this?"
good luck!
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