My boyfriend of 9 months and I broke up a few days ago and I've been crying on and off since then. I don't know if I thought he was the one, but I definitely loved him more than I have anyone else. He says he wanted to break up because of the long distance (I recently moved 800 miles away for graduate school), but I feel like if he really loved me, he would have wanted to make it work. He had recently been up to visit me and it went perfectly (even he admitted to this), but again he said that the distance has led him to slowly fall out of love with me even though when he sees me all his feelings return. I asked him if this breakup is what he really wants and he says yes, but that he wants to stay friends which I don't think I can do because I am still so in love with him and that if eventually it works out, that would be great. But then he says that he doesn't want to keep me on the backburner even though he's not looking to meet anyone else at the moment. I just don't get it. I keep chalking it up to "he's just not that into me," but that hurts even more.
All I can think about right now is how I don't think he loved me in the same way I loved him and I just feel horrible. I feel inadequate, unattractive, pathetic for crying so much, and sad because I miss him and he just so easily walked away from us.
How can I make this go away faster? My friends have been taking me out and making sure I'm okay... even facilitating (unfortunately) a makeout with a random guy at a bar. I just want to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't remember ever hurting like this about a guy before him. What should I do?
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Claudie Pierlot
Grow up. (if I knew you personally I'm be more gentle.)
When someone honestly loves someone they do everything in their power to be loving to that person...if he's not, he isn't or she isn't in love with you. I wish women would stop degrading themselves over men... Yes it hurts, you cry...drown the pillow, get your ass up, wash your face and start living like you love yourself no matter what.
1Just cry, cry and cry, then move on with your life. Delete his number from your phone and do not check his Facebook page. Don't try to be friends. Make this a clean break so you can move on.
2Yeah, 'friends' gets complicated. Write it out, talk it out. Keep yourself busy doing whatever it is you love doing.
3The first two weeks are usually the worst. You definitely shouldn't expect yourself to be over it after just a few days.
Cut yourself some slack, you're allowed to cry it out.
When you've run out of tears, get up and move on.
4Don't allow yourself to hate you for this. So he didn't work out. It sucks, and it's hard--embarrassing, difficult...but he's not "the one", and you should be happy that you found this out now and not 2,3, or even 10 years from now. Be happy for the time you had with him, and remember that there IS someone else out there, but don't define yourself by what any man (or anyone really) thinks of you. Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." You WILL wake up one morning and he will be out of your mind. Until then, don't be friends, and definetly don't check his facebook/myspace!!!
5It will be better with time. Seriously, it will be easier since its long distance. Just cut off all contact. If he wants to be friends do it on YOUR terms. Which is when you can handle that friendship IF ever. He doesn't get to have a say in that since he broke your heart. Honestly it WILL get better. Doesn't look like it now, but it will. Keep your mind occupied, get a new hobby, try a new fitness class, or join the gym. And go out with friends..but leave that making out stuff until well you want to..not because someone pushed you into it. First few weeks is always the worst. It'll get better.
Don't take it so personally...he clearly isn't worthy of your love.
"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi
6Sorry this happened. Right now being kind to yourself is most important. Do things that are comforting. Take as long as you need to grieve your loss. Don't play the blame game. LDR's are difficult for some people. There's nothing wrong with them, they just can't handle it. It's understandable you'd still be in love with him. Right now it's time to love yourself.
What in the hell were your friends thinking, regarding the random make out session?! Did they also facilitate a string of hook ups also?! I obviously don't know your friends, but intelligent and helpful they are not. It's pretty dysfunctional to think making out with a stranger will make you forget about everything. They sound like pimps.
Grieve your loss, don't shut yourself in, stay away from your pimps, do things that comfort and soothe you, don't blame yourself, look for the lesson in this and apply it in the future, and remember you'll get through this and be a stronger person.
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