Dear Group,

I met a guy (I’ll call him Joel) about 4 years ago and knew almost right away that he was not boyfriend material. However, we shared a strong physical attraction and have maintained a casual relationship since, which has worked out well for us simply because we did not expect anything more from each other. For various reasons and despite a handful of attempts, we haven’t seen each other in close to a year. On a whim last Friday, we met for dinner (only), had wonderful conversation and I left feeling surprisingly elated, though I still knew he and I would never be anything serious. He called me the next afternoon and invited me out to one of his friend’s housewarming party that night. I had already made plans with a girlfriend of mine (I’ll call her Erin) who doesn’t get out much, but since she knew his friend who was having the party, we decided she would come, too.

Erin, who just had a precious little girl about six months ago, will also be finalizing her divorce in a couple of months due to the discovery of her husband of about 4 years cheating on her throughout her entire marriage. Her life got upside-down, and along with her family, the rest of her girlfriends, and I have been by her side while she’s been picking up the pieces for the past year. Erin’s an intelligent, confident, wonderful friend who has had the unfortunate displeasure of marrying a man who made her question her entire self-esteem and life, though through her feat of get back to her normal self has made us even better friends.

We were all having lots of fun and by the end of the night, since we were in no condition to drive, planned on staying the night at her place. That is, until I turned the corner and saw them on the stairs while she was sitting on his lap with her shirt up…she got up and started to mumble something to me but I was already out the door. She called the next day full of apologies of how that was the most awful thing she’s ever done to a friend, how embarrassed she is, and how I mean more to her than any “stupid guy”. While I truly believe she did not have malicious intentions and how I understand she is lonely (and was extremely drunk), that is really no excuse.

It was a simple decision for me to say good-bye to Joel (who also had a lengthy excuse list) and not even be that upset at him since that was one of the reasons I knew he was not boyfriend material, rather more at myself for allowing my mind to wander at the possibility of us starting something based on one evening of great conversation. But Erin? Given the reason for the failure of her marriage, how could she do that to a best friend? How do I even begin to forgive her? How can I ever trust her again? To my knowledge, I have never had a boyfriend cheat on me, and do not have a jealous nature, so am at a complete loss of how to handle this.
Sincerely yours,
Aching Allie.