I'm good friends with a guy who is possibly playing games with me, I think. I've had a crush on him since we first met over a year ago, although I don't know if he knows - I've had my heart bruised very badly in the past, so I don't take the risk of putting myself out there anymore, and have been single for a long time.
He's had a girlfriend for as long as I've known him, but they were on-again-off-again before finally breaking up 'for good' over a month ago. He says he's not over her and that it'll take a long time, but that's fine...I just wish I could let him know somehow that I think one day we could be really good together. Other confusing signs:
He quite frequently jokes around in a sexual manner, and complains to me how much he misses sex. I worry that I brought this on as late one night I initiated a conversation about sex (not us doing it, but just a passing comment) and he seems to have taken it to the next level since then.
He refers to me as a 'friend' and pays me compliments and flirts with me. The thing is, he flirts like crazy, but if I sort of jokingly respond back he'll shoot me down.
Sometimes he's very unintentionally hurtful by saying stuff like 'hurry up and get married...I've heard there's lots of hot single chicks at weddings'. I don't know if he's trying to make me jealous or just being unintentionally insensitive.
Although he's said in the past that he wont be over his ex in a long time, he's mentioned a 'soft spot' for another friend who 'doesn't want him'.
Recently I actually invited him to my birthday drinks and emphasized that he should message me to let me know if he was coming or not beforehand. He didn't, yet he did ask me if I had a good time afterwards and said he was too broke to come at the time.
I don't know if I should tell him I like him and risk ruining the friendship, or if he's playing games with me on purpose or what. I'm just all confused. It's been a long, long time since my last relationship but I've held out for someone I actually feel a spark with, and that's him. I don't know where to go from here.
I'm not entirely satisfied with what I've written here and I really don't know how to explain the situation, but hopefully some advice can be thrown my way anyway.
How Do I Handle My Crush?
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Claudie Pierlot
When you have a crush on someone, it's easy to read only the signs you want to see. Here's the bottom line: he's not over his ex, he has a crush on someone else, and he chose not to celebrate your birthday. He could have given you a handmade card or popped in for an iced tea or coke - what does that cost, $2 max? - but no, he stayed away.
This guy likes getting female attention because he's a bit lonely after his break up. But he's not interested in you. I suggest you stop contacting him and let him make the next move if he wants to be friends. But I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.
1As Luisamapacha said, he's not interested in dating you, marrying you or being at all serious with you.... but he does want to sleep with you. He seems like he is flirting with you and making sexual passes to you because he wants to have sex, obviously. But he is making it very clear that he does not want a relationship with you. I think you should get over your crush, give him about a year to grow up and get over his ex and if you're still into him, make a move. But for now.. he is not interested and will only hurt you. Good luck!
"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
2Sounds like he wants you to be his FWB. He said he's not over his ex, wants you to get married so he can pick up other girls, has referred to you as a "friend", and talked about liking another girl. Also, talking so much about sex, flirting and the compliments is usually a prelude to a FWB thing.
You're familiar and you made the passing sex comment. So, he probably thinks you're "into it". Like I said above, smells like an FWB setup. If you tell him you want more, there could be a few scenarios that happen. He might run away or he'll think he has you in the "bag" and plays on your emotions to get you in the "bag", so to speak. He doesn't want a LTR.
Like luisa said, it's easy to read into the signs you want to see. Take off the rose colored glasses and look at his actions. Actions speak louder then words.
3I'm sorry, but I don't think this guy is interested in you. The fact that he's a big flirt has blurred your vision, but if he liked you he wouldn't have ignored your invite to your party. And told you to get married.
He sounds like a flirt, the cheating and insensitive type of guy. Most likely why his gf broke up with him. You're probably not missing out on much.
Protect your heart until you find someone who can do it better than you.
4100% w/ luisamapacha on this one, she sums it up very well.
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
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