My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year. We've had our ups and downs of course, like every other couple but this time I am terrified. About a month ago an ex girlfriend came back into his life and he confessed to me that being in contact with her was causing him to feel something for her. She has absolutely no interest in him. I told him that it hurt and he assured me that he loves me he just couldn't stop thinking about her. He is not the type who would cheat, we are each others best friend and we both love one another deeply. I told him to take the month to think about his feeling and what he wanted and he thanked me for that, at the same time I couldn't abandon him because he was going to take his CFA exam the first week in June and I wanted him to have as much free time to study as possible. I cooked, cleaned, took care of him in every possible way. He told me that he felt like sh*t because even though I was doing all that for some reason he kept thinking about her. This is where my problem comes up--- I freaked out and thought that he was going to leave me. If that was the case I was going to leave his life completely, no trying to be friends, nothing. So I created a profile on the Onion personals. His close friend was on there ( we had dinner together once) so I decided that by creating the profile I would be able to speak to him and ask him to do me a favor. That favor was going to be to keep me informed on my boyfriends well being. I had found his friend on Facebook but decided against because if I added his friend he would find out. I will make it clear--- my intention in creating that profile was NOT to find someone to date, I created that profile out of fear of losing my boyfriend; I needed to know that once I was gone from his life he was OK, that he was healthy and alive, that is the ONLY reason. After I created the profile I "hotlisted" his friend, not the site didn't have a friend option so that was the only was I could keep an eye on him and I never would have thought that he would find out about it. Any way, his friend contacted him and told him he recognized me. This all happened 2 days before his CFA which I think made things even worse. My boyfriend completely freaked out. He asked me about it and whether I had contacted anyone (which I hadn't) and I answered no so he asked if I had winked or hot-listed anyone and I replied no ( i was afraid of his reaction. He then told me I had betrayed him and that I killed the trust he had in me. He said he didn't want to be with me and that he is incapable of believing anything that comes from my mouth. I apologized and told him that I did that out of fear. I was extremely stupid in doing that but I was also scared that he was going to leave me for his ex. Nothing I said changed his mind. After a couple of days he sent me an email telling me that he wants to be friends. Turns out that had I not made this stupid mistake we could be together because he wants nothing with his ex. He claims to still love me dearly but that he cannot be with someone he doesn't trust. This past weekend we spent some time together as normally did and ended up having sex, through out the entire time we were together he didn't change, he was still affectionate with me. He is hurt but he will never admit to it, his defenses are back up, the ones I had to overcome when we first started dating. I am beyond heart broken about this whole ordeal and I'm so afraid of losing him. Of course I want to be friends, but I also want my boyfriend back. I want that man that made me happy for the first time in my life, I want my other half. If I could turn back time I would but unfortunately I cant. Ladies please help me. Should I be forgiven? Also, what can I do to get my boyfriend back? I love him dearly and would give my life for him. Please help me and don't tell me I should just move one, that is not an option...
-- heartbroken Marie
Vicenza
Sorry, you sound like a crazy girl. You're insecure, jealous, have no self-respect and need some serious lessons in communication. You blew it. Learn your lesson, take a break from dating for a while and get into counseling.
1Wow... your boyfriend tells you he has feelings for another girl and cant stop thinking about her so you tell him you want to go on a break for a month so he can figure out his feelings for her and you... and while on that break you act like his maid and then join a singles site so you can spy on his friend and eventually him but then he finds out you're on the dating site and breaks up with you completely. Now you're desperate for him back and he is using you for sex... does that about sum it all up?
By your boyfriend saying "I like this other girl, I dont know whats wrong with me" he is basically forewarning you that if he gets the shot, he's going to bone the other girl and because he warned you about it you cant be mad. Sounds like this other chick shot him down but instead of him coming out like an idiot, you turn yourself into a bigger idiot by joining a dating site his friend is on and instead of him apologising to you for being a pathetic a$$hole YOU have to do the apologising.
this relationship has run it's course. Part ways with him and learn your lesson.
Good Luck.
"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
2Stop being insecure and move on. But get yourself together in the process before you take on another relationship. Learn to know how different relationships work. Respect yourself first.
3What are you 19? Too young to be a doormat, honey.
4Like the other ladies have said: Stop being a doormat.
It is what it is. I agree w/ luisa, Fallen 'n the others. Please chalk this one up for a lesson and MOVE ON. And if you can't handle him being 'just friends,' by all means, try to limit your friendly contact with him and do your thing (grieve, accept that it's over, then start to move on).
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
5Way too dramatic...
1) He is into someone else.
2) He treats you like a doormat and knows it because he feels guilty about it.
3) You stalked him on a singles dating site. Probably not the smartest idea. But in all honesty, I don't think that should have made him "not trust you." I think he was just looking for a way out and you gave it to him. He felt too guilty to just walk away and be with his ex, so you gave him the perfect chance to run... and then he took it one step further to his advantage. By blaming you for the breakup, you feel guilty and he can still have sex with you.
Too much drama. Cut your losses and move on. I know it seems hard right now, but seriously reread what you said and think about it. It seems like there's a pretty simple conclusion to this...
6Bingo gtg468w!
"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
7I agree with gtg468w! He probably was just looking for a way out and you gave it to him. Why would you still even want to be with a guy who is thinking about his ex all the time, and admits it? Who also admitted that he still has feelings for her?? You sound like you have no pride or self-respect. The only thing you can do is clearly communicate to him the reasons why you did this, because your behaviour was not rational. Don't continue to pine over someone who would probably get back with his ex if he had the chance to. Stop having sex with him. Move on and learn that you should never be devoted to someone who is not 100% devoted to you as well.
8Desperation never smells good. He's screwed up. I don't know you, but by your actions, you appear to be screwed up too. Look up the word dignity. Do you really want to be used by every man you get hooked up with? I sure wouldn't.
9This whole thing is too messed up and confusing to follow.
But the end result - the two of you broken up - is the correct end result.
I think others had good points and communication, honesty etc.
Chin up.
10baby, suck it up and move on. e was gonna cheat on u d first chance e got. dat 'no trust' ting e's givin u is bullsh*t. stop havin sex wit him, no b his friend if its too hard to handle. cut him off completely or e'll jus keep usin u, for sex and evryting els. u'll get over it one day, no matter how unlikely dat seems rite now
11xoxo
Post A Comment
To post comments, please log in or register.