When I was in grad school, I had two best friends - one male and one female. We were very close and spent all of our time together. The female became my roommate, and then started to spend all of her time with her new boyfriend (which neither myself nor our other best friend liked) - she disrespected my privacy and boundaries by letting him stay at our place 24/7, knowing full well I was uncomfortable, and constantly apologized to me when I brought it up yet would continue to do the same things over and over, never changing her behavior. My male friend and I started spending a lot of time by ourselves, basically leaving her out of the loop because we were annoyed with her actions and the way she had changed.
In December, I asked her to move out and we had a very long talk about why I couldn't deal with her actions, changes in lifestyle choices (which were unhealthy), and the way she had disrespected me when I was nice enough to not make a big deal when she payed rent 2 months late. We made peace because I thought she understood, however, a few weeks later she completely disrespected our male best friend in his own home by inviting her boyfriend to his house and locking herself (along with her boyfriend) in his room to have sex all night, leaving our male friend and another guest to sleep on the living room floor.
This incident made me so angry, I completely stopped talking to her. I didn't want someone in my life who had turned into a person who had no respect for others. I suppose, in a way, I wanted to punish her for her sins instead of letting karma do it. I have not spoken to her in 3 months. However, our male best friend is still friends with her, even though he tells me he has absolutely no respect for her and will never talk to her again once they graduate next month. Every time I talk to him he mentions her and it makes me SO mad that he could even talk to her after the way she has treated both of us. I feel like his relationship with her could damage his relationship with me. I also feel like he mentions her to me and invites me to come hang out with "them" because he wants us to be friends again.
How do I get over being so angry with this girl? How can I just stop thinking that he would rather be friends with her than with me? I know it sounds stupid...but I am having a difficult time dealing with the entire situation!
Matches Fashion
Phi
Aftershock
Stop judging her.
You can be upset about causing trouble as your roommate - making noise, causing you to lose sleep, making the place dirty . . .but instead all you're concerned about is the way she carries on with guys. That's none of your business, especially now that she's moved out.
You have no right to be mad at her for what she supposedly did when living somewhere else. That's up to the people she wronged.
I understand you're upset by the direction her life has taken, and you're just going to have to let it go.
1Take a deep breath and accept that you can't control everything.
You can't control your best friend to change his mind about your ex-bff and to stop being good friends with her, you can't control your ex-bff with the regards of how she wants to live her life. It's really none of your business and now that she's out of your life, the only thing you can do is move on and concentrate on yourself.
Forgive (her offenses--since I thought you've resolved the problems w/ the rents) and possibly forget. If it bugged you enough, tell your best friend to not mention about her (until you've cooled down with your anger).
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
2Pfft, dont forgive this b!tch. She never appreciated your friendship, she abused it. Your male best friend is a doormat and he can do whatever the hell he wants to do. That doesnt effect you. If you want to hang out with him and she's there, go and just ignore her. Be civil but make it clear you have no intentions of being friends with her. She may get on her knees and beg you for forgiveness but that is at your discretion whether to accept it or not. I wouldnt. This girl sounds like a manipulative b!tch. But try not to let her ruin your fun! Dont let her run your life. Forget about her and just tell your buddy you dont want to hear it when he starts going off about her. Change the subject and if she's around you and your friends, completely ignore her.
Good luck!
"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
3Your male best friend gets to choose his own friends, just like you get to choose yours. If you can't handle that, then yeah, you should probably stop being friends with the guy.
It sounds to me like you have a lot of latent anger, and possibly some jealousy issues.
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