Alright. So I'm dating an amazing guy. He and I have been in a serious relationship for just about a year now. But, during the time when we were "talking", right before we started seriously dating, he was fooling around with another girl. They never dated, he just fooled around with her for maybe a week or two around the time he and I were talking. I'm not sure why I was so okay with it at the time, but for some odd reason it didn't bother me that he was talking to me and fooling around with her.
It wasn't until relatively recently that it became an issue, when I noticed that he still talks to her. A lot. She very obviously still wants him, and doesn't bother to hide it. She even straight up asked him if, next time they hung out, he would want to hook up with her. I try not to be an overly jealous girlfriend, but that was not okay by me. I brought it up with him a few months back, and I asked if he would stop talking to her. But he felt that was too much for me to ask, and as he is not cheating on me with here, merely talking to her, I couldn't say more.
I had a few pictures of him on my phone. Nothing too racey, just him shirtless, looking incredibly sexy. He thought he looked good in the pictures, so he sent them from my phone to his own. I thought nothing of it, until I found out he then sent them to her. Every time I try to bring it up, which is not often, he gets frustrated that I am so jealous, and reiterates that he is not cheating and it is therefore not an issue.
But it bothers me. Am I just being overly jealous?
Too Jealous?
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Charles Anastase
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Marc Jacobs
No, you're not overly jealous.
It's only natural to feel insecure after he has openly showed to you that he has no respect on how you feel. Think about it, he knows she wants him for herself and openly PROPOSITIONS him, he's supposedly in a committed relationship with you, but why do you think there's a need to keep getting involved with a woman who can be easily temptation for him, and a thorn on his gf's side. Why does he keep encouraging her behavior?
Consider this" Why is she still after him? It's because your bf is encouraging this behavior. If a guy openly rejects a girl and refuses any advances, unless she's a nut case, she'll definitely back off.
He's cheating on you and he gets you to feel bad to the point you think you're the 'overly jealous' gf. His behavior is not acceptable. I've known a girl who's very much in your position before (very similar details: down to the sending of pics via text), and I've asked my husband if the guy was cheating on my friend.
He just laughed and said "Of course he is." But I digress, even though they may not have sex yet (when you guys are dating), it doesn't mean that he doesn't have feelings for her. Maybe on a more sexual level rather than romantic one. But ...still cheating!
So now it's up to you on what you want to do next. Good luck.
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
1Sending sexy photos of himself to a girl that is not his girlfriend is CHEATING.
I've always gone by the rule that cheating is when you do something you don't want your girlfriend/boyfriend to know about. However, since he doesn't mind telling you all this, it seems like you can't go by that standard, because he has no conscience and guilt.
He IS wrong.
If you guys are in a serious relationship now, all flings and "fooling around" need to stop the NANOSECOND he becomes your boyfriend.
Needless to say this, as it has continued for a year.
You are not being overly jealous- you are being RIGHTFULLY jealous, as a girlfriend should.
I agree with nevaeh (above) that he needs to reject her, and then stop seeing or talking to her.
2He is sending shirtless pics of himself to this girl? Hmmm. It sounds like he has a thing for her. It's possible he's not cheating but my guess is there is something there.
3You need to trust your gut. Something here is not right. Don't let him turn this into a "You're too jealous thing," because it's not about that. It's about him being inappropriate with another woman.
I have 2 exes who have had to temporarily cut off contact with me during a new relationship, in order to build up trust. They were both really committed to their new girlfriends and had no trouble with this. I was okay with it as well, and over time, we've all become friends.
4You definitly have the right to be upset. Especially if he is sending her shirtless pics of himself, what the hell is up with that? On the plus side at least (it sounds like) he's being honest with you about the situation. It almost sounds like he thinks by telling you about these things it somehow relieves him of any guilt or responsibility over the situation. To be honest, he sounds kind of manipulative to me. He is saying you have no reason to be jealous, and then he baits you into jealousy by telling you things that are obviously going to upset you. He is toying with your emotions to some extent here, and it's not fair! I am curious as to what exactly was going on when you guys were 'just talking'-were you going out on dates, interested in each other, or just friends? This guy is not respecting you, if he really cared about you he would understand that it's upsetting to you and and at least care about how you feel and change his behaviour or limit contact with this girl.
5I agree with Nevaeh- why is HE encouraging her behaviour? He has created this situation.
I dated a guy just like yours .. Talked to other girls all the time and I was fine with it, thinking it was innocent. Turned out he'd been sending pictures (mostly naked ones) to these girls. aving phone sex and cyber sex with them. Over the course of an entire year of us exclusively dating. You should definitely put your foot down on this subject. Their relationship seems inappropriate, as it may be. Good luck darling. I feel your pain.
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