Please refrain from name calling and everything else.. even though I probably deserve it.. I've put myself into a very complicated situation and I need help from yall..
My boyfriend broke up with me on Friday (while drunk) and told me "its never going to work" and proceeded with name calling, and being mean.. LITERALLY out of the blue!!! I had no idea that was coming along.. I had done nothing to himb ut be nice to him.. Well then saturday morning he tells me he didnt mean it BUT he did mean the things that were frustrating him needed to be changed. .. We decided to work it out.. BUT i kept telling him all night long i felt very strange.. I didnt know how to act around him didnt know if i should kiss him or not .. Very hard.. i basically just felt really really down. I went out to a party that my friend was having .. and brought my bf with me so that my best friend could talk to him and find out if he truely wanted tob e with me or not.. another one of my girlfriends called me and asked me to come up to the bar that she really needed me there... I found out BEFORE i left my EX was there.. I went anyways.. I got there and found out my friend wasnt there anymore.. Myself and another friend that i brought along walked around the bar area and I spotted him.. I went up to him and said happy birthday.. the first thing taht he tells me is that he misses me and loves me and misses everythiing about me.. I put it off as Whatever, hes running lines on me.. Well then I sat there and talked to him for a bit (one of his guy friends was there... who is a friend of a friend of my BOYFRIENDS)...I got really really tipsy and made a terrible judgement call.. My ex asked us to come to this party right up the rd.. i said no.. then finally i said okay fine I'll follow you there.. I was just going to leave.. but then his friend got in the car with us.. I went there.. and my ex kissed me.... What do i do?? Do i tell my boyfriend?? Do i not?? I know this will ruin everything.> Im really scared and im not sure what to do HELP!
Moschino Cheap & Chic
Arizona
Pringle
You shouldn't keep secrets from your boyfriend. You should tell him and hope for the best. Good luck.
1Your relationship with your current boyfriend seams to have very, very, very poor communication. For example it seams like your boyfriend bottled things in until he was drunk and then blurted them out in a very hurtful demeaning way. Then rather than figure things out between eh two of you you brought your best friend to talk to him? Honey if the two of you can't be open and honest with each other and express what you are feeling this relationship might not be meant to be. I would really evaluate how things were between the two of you- and I would put it all out on the table the kiss and everything that you are feeling. i would then ask him to do the same. I might be completely wrong here because obviously I don't know you guys or what you have - but from what you wrote it seams like a very immature relationship. You deserve to be with someone who talks to you with respect and comes to you with problems when they arise, not someone who gets drunk and says horrible things to you. That's not to say he can't be that guy- only you know that- but you guys need to open the channels of communication. Also if your ex is telling you those things and you don't have feelings for him more than to get back at your boyfriend - stay away- it's not worth it.
Good luck with everything. just remember a relationship based on lies isn't worth it- in my opinion.
TINA!
2Pink, i swear we think on the same wavelength!
Okay, girl that needs advice: I really have to agree with Pink. I don't think the problem is that you kissed your ex-boyfriend (although that's part of it), it's that you and your boyfriend can't communicate. Honestly, why the heck would you get your best friend to ask him about his feelings for you? I'm sorry, but that just reeks of 7th grade he-said, she said nonsense. You want him? Talk to him. He wants you? He needs to talk to you. Both of you need to speak to each other in a reasonable, mature and RESPECTFUL way.
He shouldn't be calling you up at 3 am drunk as a skunk and saying how he doesn't want to be with you. That's the first HUGE RED FLAG that he's not right for you because if he was, he would have enough respect and maturity to tell you when he wasn't full of vodka and beer. Not cool at all. AND, you shouldn't be going kissing your ex-boyfriend, but you already know that. And you also know that you need to tell your current boyfriend and own up to your mistake.
Frankly, it sounds like you're better off being single for awhile and figuring out what it is that you need in a relationship. Or just go on dates and figure it out that way but don't commit so soon. Test out the waters, find some new activities to do and you'll figure it out. It takes time to figure things out and grow a little. Good luck!
3pinkgirl88, great advise!
4Your boyfriend sound very immature and his calling you names was unacceptable, you really need to break it off with him completely. As for the ex, he was probably trashed already too, so his I ove you and the kiss may not have been very meaningful anyway. Like nicachica said, you need to be alone for a while and then meet someone new, someone more mature who will actually communicate with you when he's sober. If you do for some reason decide to stay with your current boyfriend, come clean about the kiss and deal with the consequences of your actions.
I think before talking to your bf, you need to take responsibility for your actions.. it takes two to tango. Even if your ex made the move on you - you wouldn't have stayed at the bar if you didn't want to see him, you wouldn't have followed him to the party if you didn't want to, and you wouldn't have kissed him back if you didn't want to.
Sounds like you don't want the relationship you are in. You might want to think about coming clean.. stressing on whether or not he takes you back is pointless if you don't want to be in your current relationship anyways.
Good luck
5your ex kissed you. you didn't kiss him. not sure why you think you are responsible for the actions of others. i wouldn't mention it to your bf. mostly because i doubt he will be your boyfriend long enough for it to matter. do you need the drama this guys brings? less drinking sounds like a good idea for you and the crowd you run with.
6Honestly I don't think you deserve to be called names not by the girls here or your boyfriend. I think your boyfriend put you in a terrible position by calling you names out of the blue and not sitting down to talk to you like civilized adults. Also you didn't go out to the bar with the intention of running into your ex and you didn't grab him and kiss him it was the other way around. I suggest you sit down with your current boyfried and talk everything out tell him how you've been feeling all this time and how he's made you feel and hopefully you can work everything out.
7I too agree with Pink, she has a very good reasoning. If you cant communicate with your boyfriend, then what else are you going to be unable to do? Does he trust you? Do you trust him? I think that you should be honest with him, and if he truely likes you then he'll accept it and move on. The past is the past.
8I don't think you would be in this mess if you and your boyfriend were able to communicate with one another. You need to break this cycle and tell him the truth. You say that your ex kissed you - did you kiss him back? If you stopped it, then you're not in the wrong. However, if you responded to the kiss you need to take the blame. You didn't have to kiss this guy and clearly you feel bad about it. You need to tell your boyfriend for his sake and for your own - he has a right to know and you'll be torn up inside until you confess. Explain to him that it meant nothing (which I'm assuming it did), that you love him and you were hurt. Tell him you know that it isn't an excuse, but you were upset about the way things were between you and him. Tell him that the guilt you feel has made you realise what he means to you. If he's willing to give you another chance, you've gotta explain to him that you can't keep secrets from each other anymore. He should have told you how he was feeling about the relationship as soon as he realised there were problems there and you should have told him about the kiss straight away. If you're meant to be, you'll work it out but no relationship is ever going to work without trust and communication. Good luck.
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