It sounds like you feel strongly about this. Because of that, I see no reason to go. Sure, it would make your boyfriend happy if you went, but how important it is to him really? I can't imagine he wants you to go so badly you'd have a huge fight about it.

As for your future shower? As you stated in your post, you aren't engaged. So don't worry about that for now. Just tell him when the time comes you'll cross that road.

Relationships are ultimately about compromise, but in my opinion, these decisions are YOURS to make, not his.

My hunch is he only wants you to have anything to do with this woman because his friend means a lot to him. So do them both a favor and make sure you have unavoidable plans that weekend so your boyfriend doesn't have to tell his friend that you just don't want to go. It will be much easier for him to say: "Yeah, it was too bad Sally had to go home for the weekend..." You get the drift.

Good luck, and stay strong!

I am married and I have also been in this same situation. My husbands old roommate was getting married and we arent crazy about the girl he was marrying (high maintenance). My husband was a groomsman, we were invited to the engagement (yes we were all there when they got engaged)which was sort of also an engagement party, a couples shower, the wedding and she invited me to her lingerie shower! I was SO uncomfortable with the idea of buying lingerie (which is SO expensive in general) for someone I dont know very well and dont particularly care for. I talked to the fiance of another groomsman and she said she was also invited, so we chalked it up to wanting gifts and inviting us bc we were the wives/fiances of groomsman, so I felt a lot better about emailing and saying I couldnt make it. Luckily my husband didnt care if I went or not.

BTW- you really only need to give them ONE gift, they dont need and engagement gift and a wedding gift- it all comes from the wedding registry right? Then you are done. Besides, this is you bf's friend, why are you kicking in for the gift to begin with? Yall arent married you dont have to contribute.

When I got married I didnt get a group gift from my bridesmaids- I gave THEM gifts- to thank them for all the time and expense that I know goes with being in a bridal party (I was a nice bride lol)

I guess I don't really see the problem here. No one said you had to spend a ton on a gift. Go pick out something small and unique that you think she'd like, and attach a sincere card to it. Something along the lines of "I look forward to getting to know you and (groom) better . . ." would be appropriate. Then, attend the shower and have a good time.

Instead of becoming so defensive, keep in mind that this girl may not have a lot of close friends and might have not known who to invite. Or, her fiance may have forced her to invite you, since he and your boyfriend are close. Either way, be thankful you were invited to a party and go enjoy meeting new people.

Well, it's really up to you what you want to do. But if you gotta go, then like luisamapacha said, try to enjoy yourself and get only a considerable gift (not expensive, one that befits your finances). If you don't want to go, then the least you can do is send a nice card thanking them for the invite and that why you can't go.

Give the b*tch a card. There.

I would say that the bride may not have been the one to invite you, it was probably done as a courtesy because of you are dating. Some women in your position would feel left out if they were not invited. That being said, yes wedding gifts are expensive, and yes, she sounds like a greedy b*tch. It is ultimately up to you if you want to go. If your bf wants you to go so bad, maybe he can pay for the gift! When you said the thing about your loyalty is to yourself, it makes it sound like you are a little bit jealous that she is getting married and you are not! Just an observation, I could be wrong.

I think she meant that her loyalties lie to herself, not her boyfriend in these joint decisions being that they are not married. Not sure if I am right but that's kind of how it seems. I do agree with her 100% on that. They aren't married or engaged, the only person she needs to satisfy is herself. I do think it is important to be considerate of her boyfriends wishes but going overboard and putting herself in an uncomfortable situation is a big no no in any relationship because it can really turn into some major resentment. Just my thoughts. Good luck.

I agree that your loyalty should be to yourself. I'm so sick of being expected to do things for the sake of appearance. Maybe if you were married I'd say to consider compromising for your husband's sake, but you aren't there yet. Don't go and don't feel bad about it. Don't send a card or a gift. You don't have to be a mean b*tch, but there's no reason to be fake either.