I have been married for 15 years and about 2 years ago I found my husband had been looking on the internet at "male boobs". I was typing something into the search bar that started with an M and that came up. I was devastated and I honestly had NO idea at that point he was thinking about such a thing. Having a sex change. I was angry, and very sad. I thought I had met the man of my dreams and NEVER thought anything like this could happen. He swore up and down that it was nothing, no big deal and that he would never do it again. Of course I "believed" him even though I knew better. Well, as time went on I kept finding things such as Estrogen pills, books on the subject, and a whole lot of internet sites that were about that subject and he also had a lot of photos of naked women. (I do not think it was for sexual pleasure either, but something to "compare" himself too.) I also found a questionnaire that he was filling out about various things, one of the questions was "have you ever had sex with what one would consider a same sex partner?" and his answer was "yes". This is very upsetting to me because I do not know if that means "another male" or a "female" (since that is what he wants to be). So, I, of course went off and threatened to move out. I was packing up my bags when he started sweet talking me and saying "I'll get help, please don't leave....I'll never do it again" So, I decided to go with him to get counseling. I did not enjoy those sessions to say the least. He didn't really want to talk about it and I didn't even know what to say so we stopped going. A few months went by and nothing happened, so like a dummy (naive and not wanting to believe) I thought everything was going to be ok. And as you can imagine, it wasn't. I got this statement for a laser hair removal and a credit account that was opened for the procedure. OMG, I swear I had enough, but I REALLY LOVE this MAN. When I took my vows I said "I take this MAN in sickness and health". I said MAN, but I also said sickness. I do not know if this is even classified as a sickness, but this is not what I wanted in a marriage. I also found out he was dressing in my Victoria's Secret lingerie and other undergarments. I really do love him and do not want to leave him, but I am not into this at all. BTW, he never got any laser treatment and managed to get that $3000 charge removed, which took months and it was a pain. I sound like a spy by searching on his computer, (NOT what I was doing when I happened upon it) but I think I have a right to know if my husband want to be a woman.
It has been about 8 months and he has done nothing wrong (at least, not that I know of). He stopped the estrogen, got some medication for OCD and depression which I think helps control his thoughts about it.
I still am attracted to him and our sex life is "OK", not the best, but I feel like the medication has a lot to do with that. Oh, I also got on medication to help me deal with it. I just feel really sluggish on this medicine and will be weaning off of it within the next year. Anyway, I REALLY want to stay with my husband and I love him dearly and I have only told two people in my life (and his parents know) and they both think I need to leave him. I honestly do not want to leave, but then again I am not a lesbian (if he decided to continue with this).
I REALLY need some opinions on what you would do if you were in my situation. Other then this (which is terrible) everything else is great with our marriage, we get along great, have a lot of fun together and love spending time together. We do not have kids and that is still up in the air, depending on this situation. As of right now I have NO plans on leaving him, but if he actually went through with this, I think I would have to move on. 
Thanks for listening and giving me an opinion.
High
Koah
New Look
This is a really tough situation. On the one hand, I don't think he's doing anything "wrong". He is who he is and I can sympathize with someone who is constrained by societal norms and feels different. On the other hand, I would be devastated if I was going through what you have gone through.
I think the question you need to ask yourself is if you really love this man, do you want to force him to be something he is not?
1I'm sorry to hear about your pain. Do you think you can go on a solo counseling (beside your husband) so that you can deal with it better? If your current therapist isn't cutting it, you need to get a better one, ask your current one to refer you to the one specializing in this topic.
You may not want to see this, but what if this is not temporary, if your husband naturally wishes to be a woman eventually, repressing this want will make him miserable and hide around to see his option, and worse, having 'affair' behind your back with people who probably are in the same predicament.
I know you're very upset, but you need to have an open mind if you want to talk to your husband about this issue. Ignoring it or thinking that it's gone away will not cut it, you need to have everything out in the open so you know how to plan your future. Tell him you love him regardless what and ask him what he really wants by doing those action and if he could, would he change his sex in the future. The answers may not be to your liking, and he may lie, I hope he's not going to lie, though, because you deserve to know the truth and know what to do later on if he does decide to go through with sex change operations.
When you guys got done talking, tell him how you really feel that you don't think you can be with another 'woman' but that you still love him and will support him as a friend if you guys decide to part way. I'm sure he loves you, but it's just that what he's doing is rather taboo and unusual, he must have a lot on his mind and he's probably trying to suppress it as bad as you want it to be suppressed. I'm sure he's not out to do this to hurt you, if this is in his nature, it's in him, it's nothing against you as a wife or a woman.
You guys have to rely on love to get through this regardless the outcome.
Good luck to you and be well.
2Reading your post really made me want to cry. Ok well I'm going to give you an entirely personal view on this subject. My father is a transexual (with a surgical sex change). I was eight.
This is not a sickness in a sense that a lot of people will say. I can tell you and this will be fought tooth and nail I'm sure that this is something that does not go away. Clinically called gender identity disorder, it's considered a condition where a person is totally unsatisfied with their assigned gender (gender dysphoria). Some take this to different extremes and are perfectly happy with their lives, some cross dress, become more feminine/masculine, live as the opposite sex, but some are never truly happy until they identify with their gender with sexual reassignment surgery.
This is something that needs to be discussed open-mindedly and if possible you should both seek seperate council. So you both can see what exactly you need and can handle without the added pressure of treading ground that could hurt someone you love dearly.
If you really love him then you will always love him and you should really let him know this. Before my father transitioned, he was on the verge of suicide and had a masculine death-wish, trying to be so masculine it almost killed him (dirt track racing, motorcycles, drinking, and to the extreme to try and prove to himself that he was a real "man"). Our family is still intact, but not all end up that way. Some are seperated and happy and some are seperated and estranged.
The best advice I can give you is to be honest with yourself and to your husband or everyone is going to be unhappy. If you need to talk please message me. I understand that this is a situation no one ever expects to be in and it's incredibly hard for anyone involved. Be safe.
3Wow
4All I know is that I'm sure hes having a tough time figuring out who he is. If you truly love him I guess you should support him and help him search.
My boyfriend of three years just told me the other night that he wants to be a woman.... I'm only 21 years old and I'm not sure what I should do.... But I feel your pain
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