I go to college with this guy. We have been friends since the beginning of the school year but we both we were with other people at the time and never considered each other potential partners. I always thought he was attractive though. My ex boyfriend broke up with me over winter break (this January) and his girlfriend broke up with him 4 days before Valentines Day. On Valentine's Day at a party we both got drunk and we ended up kissing and doing some other things. We didn't have sex though. I didn't think much of it until our friends started telling me that he had feelings for me and that he's really excited about me and thinks I'm a great girl. One of my friends asked him if I was a rebound and he said "no, she means more than that, it's nothing like that." I knew I had to give him some time and space and I didn't want to push myself on him at all. I'm friends with all his roommates and would hang out with them all playing video games and just being a friend with him, not kissing or anything like that. He would come to my math class to just hang out with me and told me he wanted to hang out with me soon. A week after Valentine's Day another party came and we both got very intoxicated but he was acting strangely. Now I should clarify something, I didn't start developing feelings for him until his friends starting telling me he shared them. I never thought me and this guy would ever happen, I didn't think he'd be interested so I didnt let Valentine's day go to my head until his friends starting giving me information. So anyway at the second party the whole night went by with us being distant and when bed time came we layed in bed and I told him that I felt stupid. He asked why and I said because I like you and I don't know what you're thinking. And he told me don't worry and that I'm not dumb. We had sex that night. I'm the only person he's been with outside of his ex girlfriend. I left that morning while he was sleeping and told his roommates to tell him class was cancelled because of the snow and that I left so he could sleep comfortably. The truth is I realized I'm really starting to like him and I don't want to act like a slut. This weekend we both went home from school and we haven't really spoken. We talked online for a bit and he brought up his ex girlfriend and then told me she had instant messaged him and he stopped talking to me since that point and then signed off. I know he needs time, but every significant action in our relationship was because of him, the kissing, the hanging out, the sex, so I haven't been pushing or rushing him at all. I'm just very afraid of getting hurt and I don't know what to do. On top of that, this weekend at home my ex boyfriend stopped by and we hung out for a little over an hour. We had sex. He told me he's missed me and has been trying to change to be with me again and that he'll always love me and I'm the ideal girl for him. He's met and been with others but I'm the one that feels right. I don't know what to do. Do I give up on my friend, will it ever really work out? Or do I go back to my ex? I don't want to be alone.
PS: i'm sorry this is so long
Matches Fashion
Phi
Aftershock
He told me he's missed me and has been trying to change to be with me again and that he'll always love me and I'm the ideal girl for him....
Did he spoke out this after sex or before? I feel you like this guy too, so if he's shared his feelings after having sex then better go around with him and give him some more time, you'll definitely find the answer yourself, and also meanwhile you just ignore the other one.
-friend
1Your problem is that you don't want to be alone... You didn't have feelings for this other guy until you thought he had feelings for you, and you're not ready to end things with your ex. You're trying to keep these 'options' open, when really, neither one may be right for you.
The second guy probably didn't mean you any harm. Maybe he does like you, but after 4 days it was very likely that the breakup wasn't going to be completely settled and final. His ex is still in the picture, I think you need to forget about it.
And why did you breakup with your ex? Was he a jerk? Was it mutual? Were you two just incompatible? Or was it over something silly that could easily be reconciled? I don't know what this relationship was like, but an ex is usually an ex for a reason. Think about it, and don't feel that you NEED to be in a relationship.
2I am somewhat the same way, I like being in a relationship and don't like being single (I'm just not good at it!) However, you need to get to the point where even if you don't prefer it, you are ok with being single. During college was the time I got to that point, because there is so much going on. It's the perfect time to hang out with your friends and have fun. Once you start not caring so much about being in a relationship, things will just fall into place.
I know it's hard, but in these situations you really just need to live your life and have fun and see where things go. If you like this guy, be patient. Be his friend, let him have time to heal (and yourself), and see where it takes you. You are right to try not to get too attached. Just try to have fun with him and if things work out, then great. If they don't, you still have him as a friend and there are plenty of other guys out there.
As for your ex, as Pastil said, an ex is an ex for a reason. If it was a legit reason why you guys broke up, please just let it be. Usually break ups are for the best. In my experience, even if a guy is really trying to change, they don't change. People are who they are, and it is incredibly hard to change yourself, especially your personality. So it's good that you and your ex are on friendly terms, but if you feel that you still have feelings for him, it's probably best not to have sex with him. That will just make it worse and make you more likely to consider a relationship with him again.
Good luck... enjoy college and your friends at this time! It really is the best time of your life
31. Get yourself tested for STDs.
42. Show some self-respect and stop sleeping with guys just because they tell you sweet nothings.
3. Be single for a while.
4. Gradually start dating guys and DO NOT sleep with them for at least a month.
The new boy went back with his ex, that's why he was distant.. he used you.. You'll end up getting back with your ex.. it happens all the time
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