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Missing my best friend

Posted By Anonymous on May 19, 2013 at 3:23PM

Well, this is going to be long. I had a bad breakup two years ago.. A month after that, I went out to celebrate a friends birthday and ended up meeting a couple of her friends. I started to hang out with them more often and we became really close. One of them is the perfect guy, a musician and has a band, super funny and awesome, let's call him M. We started to hang out even more often, we saw each other at least three times a week. Nothing ever happened. I suspected that he liked me but I was undecided, while I thought he was awesome and great, I never came to really fully feel attracted to him.

Then, one day we were at a concert and he introduces me to a very close friend of his, let's call him L. This guy is also a musician, super funny and good looking, my type of guy. We became friends and hung out a couple of times. He made a couple of moves, but nothing too strong. At this point in my life I'm very happy to be alone, and my goal is to meet as many people as I can, because I was kind of in a cave during my seven year old relationship, I just hung out with my bf and my life centered around him. So if I meet new interesting people, I hang out with them. 

Then comes M and tells me he has feelings for me.. I honestly thought I did too but in that moment, I didn't, So I ended up telling him the truth, I am very happy alone and on my own. We decided everything was going to be the same way, nothing changes. So we continued to hang out/text as much. I thought he was going to do something to convince me, but he didn't... He just backed off. 

Anyways, our friends in common talked to me. They told me that I should slow down and give M some distance. I talked to him and he told me he didn't need any. But then, a week after that we started to talk and he told me he needed the space, but not in the same way he always talks to me, calm and nice, but in a kind of rude (for him) way. He told me that this was clearly not going to work, and that he didn't have time for me right now, and that I could go and do anything I wanted like a free woman that I am. So I decided to give him the space. Last night I bumped into him and we greeted each other normally. Meanwhile, L keeps making moves and I don't understand that, being so close to M, and knowing about M's feelings for me. 

The thing is, I love M as a friend, I care about him. I seriously miss him right now, but I know I can't promise him anything. I feel like such an idiot for turning down such a good guy for my fears. I got out pretty damaged of my last relationship. I wonder if I can do anything to like him, I would do it. I wonder if attraction is so important? Or does that fade away? I don´t know what to do. I want things to be normal again.

i want to get engaged, bf doesnt. what to do?

Posted By Anonymous on May 17, 2013 at 8:21AM

Hello. So a little background on us, we are both 27, have been dating for a little over 2 years, have been friends for 9. We have a great realtionship and I really think he is the one. 
the problem? he does not want to get engaged. anytime soon. unlike him, i want to start moving forward with  my life. i dont want to get engaged, get married a month later, and start to have kids a month after that. i want a nice long engagement, a few years of married life, and then start thinking about kids. i tried to explain to him that women have a clock and he doesnt seem to understand. i dont want to be having babies when im almost 40.he said hes "just not ready" to get engaged. i understand, i am not ready right this moment either, but that we should put some type of timeframe on the table. he said he will not do that. that it needs to happen "organically" whatever the fuck that means. he said also that some of his friends didnt get married until they were 30ish so hes "doing okay". i really dont care what anyone else is doing to be completely honest, especially cause i dont really consider those friends any type of role models for anything. 
i am very upset. he told me the usual things - he loved me he wants to be with me he thinks ill be an excellent wife and mother blah blah blah but wont give me any type of timeframe for anything. its driving me crazy. i am totally invested in this relationship but i need to know that its going to happen. he wont even look at engagement rings and freaks out if i even mention anything. i asked what his mother said and she said he should "take his time". to be honest, i dont belive that for 5 mins because i know shes ready to be a grandma when we are ready. 
anyways, i was thinking of distancing myself from him. i dont know if this will get him to see what he is missing or what, but i am getting anxious and dont want to keep waiting around. if he likes it he should put a ring on it right? 2 years seems like enough time - we are not teenagers. i think that he takes me and our relationship for granted sometimes. not like he cheats on me or anything, but just that he DOESNT have to make that commitment to me and i will still be around. i think this is very selfish of time to not respect me and talk about the future and such, so i am thinking that i may just take some time for myself to be selfish and do whatever i want and not worry about what hes doing. im not asking for a magical spell that i can cast on him to propose, im just asking for some advice on what to do so that i can keep my sanity in this relationship, or if i should just end it, move on, and find someone that wants the same thing as me. thanks. 

never been through a break up

Posted By Anonymous on May 3, 2013 at 10:30AM

Hi, i am 21. i broke up long back but never actually distanced myself from him, he didn't either so i guess it's pretty fresh still.
i am moving on, and trying to get over him. Right now i love and hate him at the same time. Possible? There are nights i miss him so much and i know if i call he will talk but coldly (says pleasedon't say i miss you, i don't want to be in all that again; want to concentrate on my college) so i don't. And still there are times when i just want to scream at him for disrespecting me, lying to me.
Why do i want to communicate all this to him when i know it won't affect him? When i know there is no point? I want to stop this. I have a chance because i don't have to see him everyday at class now as i have my break.
WE have been close for years... and it is so hard..! I see people moving on so fast..one guy to another and i wonder am i lacking somewhere ??

Also, i know i was also very wrong somewhere in this relationship. He was a lot too. And we stretched it so much that we weren't even able to salvage a friendship out of it. Neither of us get close to anyone so easily and maybe we stuck on to each other so tight.

It's very hard to imagine myself without him. And i am trying. He hopes that we remain friends for now, or just end at a positive note so that when we are able to get over whatever happened we come back as newer better people, and end up together. 
But still i don't now if i should trust him. i don't trust him. Iwant to.
Guys ask me out but i feel scared, i feel like i am cheating.. and i feel no attraction at all..!

I lost my self respect and even in his eyes the way i sacrificed everything and clung on to him so needy. All i want is that back. that someday i look in the mirror and feel so good, that i look at him and feel happy for me. He's able to see me as the girl i was..and respect me. i know i cant force anyone...but it  gives me a lot of anguish to imagine our story to end up at such a bad state.

please help me.

Posted By Anonymous on Apr 22, 2013 at 7:12PM

Alright, i'll just start this by saying my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 and a half years. He is the most loving, caring, perfect guy ever. He is exactly like me personality and goal wise. But theres only one (big) problem. ever since the beginning, he has never trusted me and it's gotten really bad. I can't talk to guys at all (which i dont mind at all honestly. I dont have friends anyways so it doesnt matter). but if i do talk to them, hes threatened to either kill them or himself. I know that isn't actually true, but it still upsets me. He's very insecure and always has been. And what makes him like this is that i started talking to him at the end (but still during) a long, horrible relationship. He thinks i will do that again, although i know i wont. It was different then.. i was searching for a way out and i found it. and it came in the form of him, and it was perfect. Not once did i ever cheat, except for emotionally i supposed since i longed for him. But nothing more than that until the other relatipnship ended. I don't want people telling me to end my relationship because I wont. It's only this one problem and i know there must be some way through it. What i need is your help on how to get him to trust me and believe me when i say that will never happen again. thank you.

Tagged with: Protective, group, boyfriend, me, therapy, help

Should I tell him that I'm upset?

Posted By Anonymous on Apr 21, 2013 at 12:46AM

I've spent quite a bit of time (alone and with others) with a guy over the last few months and met some of his friends and family. I'm not completely sure how I feel about him, but I think I may be more interested in him than I'm willing to admit to myself.

Last night, we had plans to hang out, alone, although we hadn't decided what to do yet. We set this up 4 days in advance. The day before, he asked if I wanted to go to dinner with his friend who was visiting. I said okay, but I was a little hurt, I guess because I was looking forward to spending time alone with him. Should I have been hurt?

I ended up not going because I was also upset that he didn’t offer to pick me up. This actually made me really upset. Should I be upset?

Should I tell him that I was upset with him?


Posted By Anonymous on Apr 20, 2013 at 1:35PM

hello, i broke up long time, and it was my weakness and hope for revival of the love, that i kept expressing my love, allowing him to hug me or kiss me...always supporting him when he was down, helping him with stuff, watch him get friendly to new girls.. and i always felt drained and empty. Everyday. Believing his words. what i never realised was i kept diminishing my respect, if he had any for me anyway. I don't even know if it's a problem or not. But seeing him i realise i don't feel that love for him. he's lewd sometimes and very irresposible. and i hate guys like that...but i feel he has a power over me. it ois so pathetic. i know he was the one who did things wrong and i kept forgiving him and loving him even when he didn't deserve to but what hurts me the most is that he still doent see that. i will be 21 this year and he is too. and we have classes 4 times a week and seeing him is just i dont know, i want him not to talk to me but i want him to want to. you know? i want him to see i was not wrong, he thought of me as a needy gooey person cuz i expected him to say i love you..!! when i see my friends and they treat their guys like shit, while their guys are still attentive to them all i wonder is what did i do wrong? yes i know, the wrong guy. also... i hate every girl that comes close to him.. we fight about it...a lot.i want that respect back...the way he admired me when it all began
is something wrong with me to want that... that will to be strong again doesnt come, i am happy some days but mostly i stay quiet. if he calls i pick up, and i dont know what to say except why did you do all that.? i have no pride, no self respect left... nothing at all. i used to be the first in class and now i am so ashamed of myself. i have put on so much weight.
Plz tell me how to earn it back. i have no one to turn to right now.

Wolf in Sheeps Clothing : Mr. Unavailable AGAIN

Posted By Anonymous on Apr 18, 2013 at 4:31PM

So I met this guy online 7eral years ago. We dated and had a long distance relationship. 3 years into the relationship, I was ready to relocate to his town. As soon as I started getting interviews in his town, he started saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that maybe 10 years down the road we could live in the same state. I found out he was cheating, forgave him and wanted to try counceling. But he didnt want to try counceling and broke up with me when it should have been the other way around.

I took an entire year to heal from this relationship from hell. I read a lot of self help books and started activities that I enjoyed to rebuild my self esteem. Then, I decided to get back in the dating game and met an awesome man on a dating site who lived close to me. He opened doors and was nothing but a pure gentleman. We waited until 3 months into our relationship before becoming physical. I was so very happy with this new man and felt like what we had was special. We became intimate for the second time and afterwards he said, " I am afraid to be a boyfriend. I am not ready for a relationship. Can we just be friends." I became furious and said some very nasty things to him. After I had cooled down, I apologized and wanted to sit down to disguss why I had been so hurt and upset. But, He would not accept any form of an apology from me and refused to speak to me.

I done everything right this time by taking the opportunity to get to know him before jumping into a relationship. I prayed over it and gave everything thoughtful contemplation. Yet, things still didnt work out and I feel like I have lost for the second time because he broke up with me when I did nothing to warrant it. I am not an emotionally unavailable woman and do want to be in a loving and committed relationship. I am hurt and frustrated that guys seem so avaiable until the moment that they have had me. What can I do to prevent this from happening. I asked all the right questions and got "yes I want to be with you." Once he had me, I was nolonger interesting!

Snooped - now what?

Posted By Anonymous on Apr 10, 2013 at 7:14PM

So I snooped out of pure curiosity about his female friend. I know of her and I know they are close, but he never talks about her. So I read some text messages about 6+ months ago, some flirty banter back and forth and him suggesting that they shoould hook up. I have been with my BF for 3 years and I felt like I got slapped across the face when I read this. This girl refused, but it got me thinking, what if she didn't? They have not exchanged any messages or calls since last November.

Now I am torn about whether or not I should let this go because it was a long time ago or should I bring it up? Nothing has been wrong with our relationship (I guess other than my snooping) and he has been affectionate and loving.

Snooped - now what?

Posted By Anonymous on Apr 10, 2013 at 7:13PM

So I snooped out of pure curiosity about his female friend. I know of her and I know they are close, but he never talks about her. So I read some text messages about 6 months ago, some flirty banter back and forth and him suggesting that they shoould hook up. I have been with my BF for 3 years and I felt like I got slapped across the face when I read this. This girl refused, but it got me thinking, what if she didn't?

Now I am torn about whether or not I should let this go because it was a long time ago or should I bring it up? Nothing has been wrong with our relationship (I guess other than my snooping) and he has been affectionate and loving.